What Am I?
by Duvessa
Summary: Spike and Buffy's relationship faces new challenges when someone from Spikes past shows up in Sunnydale and forces Buffy to realize what she is. *Complete*
1. "It's Always The Same Song."

_"It's Always The Same Song."_

  
  
  
  
  


"It's Always The Same Song."   
Part one of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He had been around for over a century, yet he had never felt so alive. It was her. The way she smiled, the way she smelled, the way her face scrunched up when she was thinking too hard, all of her. Hell he even loved her when she was hitting him in the face. It was hard. When she wasn't there he felt empty and the demon inside him was restless. It wanted to kill, to torture, to destroy. Not even the chip in his brain could keep his demon at bay, but when she was around it was clam leaving the humanity in him, which had been suppressed for so long by the demon, to control his actions. He felt human again when he was with her, sure there was the missing breathing and heart beating, but he felt human. 

He stood at the bottom of the stairs knowing that she was the only one home. Her sister had left for a friends nearly an hour ago and the witch was out trying to mend her relationship with her lady love. The door had been unlocked. *You'd think with all the demons out there who try to kill her she would learn to lock the bleedin' door* he had thought as he walked inside. She was up in her bedroom. He could hear her rummaging through a drawer looking for something. He had thought about going to her, but he knew that if he went to her in her room with her bed it would all be too tempting. And he wasn't sure about her mood. There were times when she would rip him apart, call him disgusting, and ask him to leave. And then there were other times when she ripped him apart, called him disgusting and took him to bed anyways. So he stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting. 

He heard her door open and her footsteps started down the hall. He leaned against the wall sticking his hands in the deep pockets of his duster. Then she stopped and turned around heading back to her room. He straitened his posture, growing impatient. He couldn't stand there waiting for another twenty minutes for her to come down the stairs. *Prolly changing her outfit again. Women* He thought as he heard her footsteps once again heading towards the stairs. She spotted him immediately. 

"What are you doing here?" she said as she pulled her hair up tying it back with a holder. 

"Thought maybe you were gonna patrol. Might want some company is all." His tone was suggestive. He moved closer to her, gazing into her eyes with his sharp blue ones. He could tell her thoughts were drifting to memories of nights they spent together. Nights where she had screamed his name and asked him not to leave. Nights where he realized she needed him. She might not love him as he loved her, maybe she never would, but she needed him. He listened to her, comforted her, gave her an escape from her life. No one would ever be able to be for her what he was. He was her confidant, her traitor, her friend, her enemy, her man, her demon, her Lover. 

The silence between them gave him power. He loved the way he could say things that would leave her at a loss for words. Her skin had turned a light shade of pink, and her eyes had avoided his gaze, but he kept on staring. 

He touched the top of her hand with his and proceeded to move it up her arm. He stopped for a moment when his hand reached her bare shoulder. The black tank top she wore made her golden hair shine more than usual and he removed the holder she had just moments ago tied it back with. He ran is fingers through her soft hair. When his hand reached the back of her neck he pulled her closer to him. He inhaled the scent of her hair and broke the connection their eyes had and planted a gentle kiss on her forehead. "God slayer, you can get me hard just by walking in the room." He knew the instant the words left his mouth that he shouldn't have said it. Knew she would make a big thing about his words. And sure enough she pushed him off her. 

"You're sick Spike." She started to walk away, but he grabbed her arm. 

"If I'm so sick, luv, why have you suddenly become all hot and bothered?" She kneed him in the groin and broke out of his grasp as he yelped and bent from the pain. 

"I am not 'hot and bothered' over you." She grabbed her coat and headed out the door. 

"Right." he said sarcastically, just loud enough for her to hear. He straitened and began to follow her out of the house still feeling the pain that she had inflicted on him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

As he followed her into the graveyard he felt bad about what he had said. Not because he was sorry he said it, but because she had taken it the wrong way and had left him to follow her. It always happened. He always said something to piss her off. If he tried to start anything with her he was always left alone, unsatisfied. The only time he got anywhere with her is when she came to him. He figured it was because if she started everything between them she could blow it off telling herself that she was just using him. However, if she gave in to him there would be no way to justify it. He didn't care. She could twist it any way she wanted to, she still came to him. He made her feel things. 

Just as they had reached the graveyard she stopped and turned to him. "Why don't you just go home? I don't need you tonight." She had her hands on her hips trying to stand behind her statement. 

"Is that so. And I suppose you didn't need me last night, or the night before that, or the one before that either. That didn't stop you. It's always the same song. You don't need me, you beat me, and then before you know it you're under me. You know maybe I will just go. Getting a little tired of the cold bitch who can't make up her mind." He turned to leave and almost instantly she had kicked his feet out from under him sending him to the ground. 

"How dare you judge me? You don't' know anything." She was standing above him and hit his face. 

"That so. Lets see, told me you don't need me, hit me in the face, all that's left is the taking me to bed." She hit him in the face even harder than she did before, but it didn't bother him. He gave her one of those incredibly sexy 'you know I'm right and I'm going to get my way' half smile, half smirk looks that he always gave her. She got up off him and walked away. 

"Well that was fun. Had a nice time. See you then," he said as he stood and started walking in the direction of his crypt. He had started to think that she was just going to let him leave this time. He had made it halfway home before he heard her running up behind him. He turned to face her and she knocked him to the ground. This time, however, instead of hitting him in the face she captured his mouth with hers. As their tongues intruded each other's mouths he could feel her frustration. It wasn't frustration with him, rather frustration over her life. Her body was pressed tight against his and he knew that she could feel how excited he had become over the contact they had. He broke the connection of their mouths and placed his hands on her shoulders lifting the upper part of her body so he could look at her face. 

"Tell me you need Me.," his tone almost sounded hurt. He wanted her to say it so that maybe she would admit it to herself. But she wouldn't answer him instead she lowered her mouth back to his kissing him with more heat and power than she had done just moments ago. He had forgotten about his request and kissed her back with just as much passion as she had put into it. She had put her hands around his neck and was trying to pull them to their feet without breaking the connection of their mouths. Then suddenly she seemed to give up. Her body pressed tight against him once again pushing him down hard against the ground. He was fine with this. He needed her now and if the had stood he was sure that she would have led him back to his crypt, which wasn't far away, but would have felt like an eternity if he had to wait. Besides taking her here in the graveyard where anyone could see them excited him. Then he realized that she had completely stopped moving. Her mouth hung open directly above his, but she had not lowered it to meet his like she usually would have. It all felt strange. He looked into her eyes and saw pain. Then he smelt it. He had no idea how bad it was until the hand, that was trapped between her body and the ground right above her hip, felt it trickle off her body. He filled with fear. His hand covered in her blood.   
  
  
  


Part 2 


	2. "Patofi."

_"Patofi."_

  
  
  
  
  


"Patofi."   
Part two of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


It kept flowing from her body, through his fingers, to the ground where it was absorbed by the soil. He couldn't think. Part of him longed to bring his hand to his mouth and lick it off his fingers, but the man in him wanted nothing more than to erase the pain in her eyes and destroy the thing that had caused it. 

"A message. To show that you are not above us." A cold empty voice spoke from behind Buffy. The pain in her eyes shifted to anger and she rolled off Spikes body wincing in pain and pressing her hand against the stab wound. 

"What the hell kind of message is that? Can't you people ever just write a note?" she had begun to stand and was planning on fighting the demon who had attacked her, but Spike made it to his feet faster than she could and helped her up. 

"We need to go." There was a frightened tone to his voice, but Buffy didn't seem to notice. He put his hand on her back trying to lead her away, but she pushed it away. 

"I'm not going anywhere. This guy thinks he can get away with what he just did. I plan to show him otherwise." Her arm pulled back and she pushed her fist quickly to the demons face. It never made contact. Spike had caught her fist mid punch, picked her up, and threw her over his shoulder. 

"What the hell are you doing?" She tried to struggle, but it only made the wound in her back send searing pains to her brain. 

"Saving your life." There were no more words after that. She just lay limp as he carried her away from what he feared was the beginning of her end. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

He had to take her somewhere. The magic shop had been closed for hours and her house was empty, so reluctantly he found himself knocking on the door of the apartment that belonged to Xander and Anya. He had pounded on the door for a good five minutes before a groggy Xander opened it. 

"I know this is a different concept for you, but people tend to be sleeping at one in the morning." Xander was clearly annoyed by his rude awakening and normally Spike would have exchanged nasty comments with him, but he just stood there waiting for him to realize that there was a girl hanging over his shoulder. When Xander saw the tear in Buffy's shirt and the blood that was underneath it his mouth fell open. 

"Oh that's helping." Spike said in reference to Xander's state of shock. 

"Right. The couch. Lay her on the couch." Xander didn't know what to do. It seemed like getting her comfortable was a good start. 

Anya had come over to them and was yawning. "Xander that's a new couch." She said disapprovingly. 

"An." Xander shrugged apologetically. 

"But she'll get blood all over it." 

"ANYA." This time Xander was more angry than apologetic. 

"It's OK. Really I'm fine." Spike had lowered Buffy off his shoulders and she was standing next to him. 

"You know you don't always have to be Super Girl, Buff." Xander pulled out a chair and Buffy sat in it glad to be off her feet. 

"You got any towels, bandages, and what not to stop the bleeding?" Spike began rummaging through Xander and Anya's things before he had even finished the question. 

"I'll get them." Anya had returned with the towels immediately. 

"You're going to have to take your shirt off." Spike said as Anya placed a bowl of water on the table so Spike would be able to clean Buffy's wound. 

"Take my… wha???" Buffy had turned a bright shade of red. 

*Minds always in the gutter.* Spike thought just before reassuring her. "So I can clean the bloody hole in your back." 

She lifted her shirt just far enough so that Spike could get at the wound. Xander and Anya gasped at the sight of the wound and Buffy spoke up. "It's not that bad. Honestly, Spike's more worried about it than I am." 

"It's not the cut I'm worried about. It's the demon who made it." Anya had brought him gauze and medical tape. It only took him three tries to cover the gash in Buffy's back. His fingers kept getting caught in the tape. 

"What are you talking about? I could've taken him out if you hadn't have thrown me over your shoulder and dragged me away." Spike couldn't believe she didn't know what the demon was that attacked her. How could Giles have not mentioned them to her? She should have been looking out for them. 

"And that's exactly what he wanted you to do. Wanted you to kill him with his own knife." The three in the room gave him a puzzling looks. It was Xander who broke the silence. 

"He wanted her to kill him? Just when I think I have them figured out they throw a curve ball that knocks down all my theories." 

"It's ok honey." Anya said patting Xander on the back. It looked to Spike like Xander wanted to tell her that he was only kidding, but he kept quiet. 

"I'm with Xander on this one. What kind of demon would want me to kill him? Kinda thought it was supposed to be the other way around." Spike was annoyed by the fact that Buffy didn't understand. 

"How is it that you aren't dead?? Did you not see the bloody tattoo on his neck?" 

"You mean the black knife tattoo thing?" Spike was trying really hard not to yell. It didn't work. 

"Yes the bleedin' tattoo. It's the mark of Patofi." Spike could tell that this meant nothing to her so he continued to explain. "Years before I was a vamp there was a guy from somewhere in England by the name of Count Patofi. Apparently he found out what gave the slayer her strength. He got involved in some heavy Wiccan mojo and round up some demons and marked them with a tattoo. Then he gave them each a dagger to match the one on their tattoo. The daggers had all been cursed, you see, to make the demon loose to the slayer and drain her of her strength." 

"It would take away my strength?" Spike knew that this was the one thing that would bother her and it did. 

"Only temporarily. You would have it back in about a day or so." Anya had chimed in apparently knowing a thing or two about Patofi. 

"Why would they die to drain me of my strength? They can't do much to me if they're dead." Buffy's face was scrunched up from thinking too hard. Spike loved that look. So involved. 

"They're only the tools. Count Patofi made them that way. They don't know how to win you. All they know is to let you kill them with their own weapon. That's what takes away your strength, their death. Patofi is still alive and he keeps adding more demons to his line. You have to pay him a fair amount to use one of them." It looked like Anya could have gone on for another hour about these demons and Spike was grateful when Xander interrupted her mid-story. 

"And that's why I love her so much. Top of the line information on all the things you hoped weren't living under your bed." 

"But why haven't they come after me before now? No power slayer equals big demon party." Buffy didn't seem in the least bit concerned. It worried Spike. If she wasn't careful she was going to end up dead before sunrise. 

"Patofi went a little crazy in his old age. Charges ridiculous prices and will only lend those of his line to demons who he thinks could really pull it off. Long story short there aren't a lot of eligible candidates. Last time I even saw the old bat was when he came to see Angelus." Spike knew that Buffy would take notice to this. 

"He.. he came to see Angel." 

"That's right. He thought the Poofter would be able to kill you. But Angelus didn't want you powerless. Wanted to take you out knowing that you really lost." Spike hated the way she still reacted to Angel. 

"I have to go." Buffy had quickly stood up and grabbed her coat. "Thanks for the quick mend Xand." 

"Where the hell are you going? You're not going to call Peaches are you?" she didn't answer him. Just kept walking towards the door. "Buffy!" as he yelled her name she turned to face him. 

"What difference does it make Spike? Last time I checked this was still my life. You can't tell me what to do." She always got touchy about Angel. 

"No I guess I bloody well can't. That doesn't stop you from telling me what to do." Xander and Anya were watching them fight. It looked like Xander was about to bust out laughing. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy was getting mad. 

"It means what it means. You know I'll do anything for you and you use that. You bloody use ME! Would you even come to me if there was anyone else?" the anger was rising in her eyes, but she didn't speak. "WOULD YOU?" 

She turned away and stormed out the door. She never answered him. Whenever there was a question that she didn't want to answer she either left or made it hard for him to even remember what his question was. Spike felt Xander and Anya staring at him and decided that he better leave. He thought about following Buffy, but he knew that he would just say something stupid. He was so furious at her. No matter what he, or anyone else for that matter, did she was still hung up on Angel. He had said it himself once. They'll never be friends. Well he would make her forget. Anything it took. He would make her forget Angel. And the best way to start would be to figure out what was after her. So he found himself at the spot where she was attacked. As he looked at the spot where they had laid. Thinking of nothing but how she felt and how the night could have ended. As much fun as they had had in the past, and as much fun they would have had if she hadn't have been attacked, he couldn't help wondering if he would ever be her first choice.   
  
  
  


Part 1 || Part 3 


	3. "Pictures."

_"Pictures."_

  
  
  
  
  


"Pictures."   
Part three of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


He lie awake in his bed staring at the ceiling. He was frustrated because he had found nothing in the graveyard and because it had been two days since he last saw her. He knew that she was OK. Dawn had come by to see him earlier and assured him everything was fine. He knew that Buffy had told her nothing about what had happened that night because every time he had asked Dawn if Buffy was alright (and if he remembered correctly he had asked somewhere around seven times) she would answer with things like "Yeah, fine why wouldn't she be?" or as their conversation went on "Worry much." He couldn't help it. Everything about the whole thing made him uneasy. Someone had sent the demons to leave Buffy helpless. Yet, as far as he knew, there had been no other attacks. 

He decided to give up. He wasn't getting any closer to figuring it out by staring at the ceiling and he was getting hungry. He went to the fridge got out his blood and poured it into the "Kiss the Librarian" mug he had stole from Giles. He warmed it in the microwave and then took it to go sit down in front of the television. As he sat down and pressed the buttons on the remote he heard his crypt door swing open. He turned and saw her. It sent heat rushing through his whole body, but he decided to play it cool. All he did was move his eyes back to the telly and say nothing but "Oh it's you." 

"How did you do that?? You were just running towards the other side of town. How did you get here before me?" Spike could tell just by the way she sounded that she was confused and disappointed at the same time. 

"What's that, luv? Could you keep it down, I'm trying to watch Passions. There's big twists and turns happening." He pretended to pay her no mind even though he wanted nothing more than to touch her. 

"Oh I see. You're trying to convince me that I wasn't just chasing you all over town. You know what? I'm not going to fall for it. Besides you need to think of a better story. Passions is a soap opera and if I remember correctly they are still on during the day." 

"I got one of them VCRs. Been a bit tired these past couple of weeks, sleeping through Passions. Could be my extracurricular activities have worn me out." He smirked as he spoke and he could tell by the way she was avoiding his gaze that she had realized that by the extracurricular activities he was referring to the nights they had spent together. "And I hate to disappoint you, but you weren't just chasing me around. Although if hide and seek is your fancy I wouldn't turn you down." 

"You're sick Spike. You think that this is a game. Well I'm not playing anymore. Just stop following me around taking pictures of me." 

"Pictures? I didn't take any bloody pictures. Besides why would I need to take pictures? I've had an eyeful of you. Not that I wouldn't want another taste." He gave her a very suggestive look and she punched him. He grabbed her arm "Hey now. That's not very nice." She spit in his face, but he just wiped it away and put his hands behind her neck and kissed her. She didn't push him away; rather she moved her hands down and undid his belt buckle. Once she did that it made it impossible for him to think. He had wanted to ask her if she had called Angel. And he knew that he should be questioning her about the pictures and the person/demon that she had been chasing around, but she was finally giving in to him and he couldn't tare himself away. He pushed her to the ground, positioned himself on top of her and finished what they had started the other night. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When he woke up the next morning he found her gone. He hadn't even heard her leave. He was so exhausted from their night. He found that he had some new bruises and sat silently remembering how he got them. It made him smile. As sick and twisted as it was the fact that she hurt him made him smile. He dressed quickly and grabbed his blanket heading out into the sunlight. 

He reached her house and climbed in through her window. She wasn't there and so he decided to roam into the hall and then he heard Dawn. 

"Where were you? Got some new boyfriend or something?" That's Dawn always with the boyfriends. 

"No…. No new boyfriend." It was Buffy. She was right he wasn't exactly new. 

"So it must be a new demon then. I can call the gang and get them to come over and we can do research and stuff." Dawn always wanted to be a part of the research. 

"No it's ok I think that I took care of him." She had taken care of him all right. 

"So it was a him huh?? How can you tell?" 

"Tell what?" It was clear to Spike that Buffy hadn't really been paying that much attention to her sister. 

"Whether the demon is male or female." 

"I don't know. Just call it a lucky guess. I'm going to go upstairs and lie down for a while." As he heard her coming up the stairs he hid behind her door. She entered the room and he walked up behind her. 

"Miss me?". He had taken a single rose and rubbed it against the skin of her face, down her neck, then down her arm and placed it in her hand. Then he turned to face her. 

"So now you're bringing me flowers. What kind of vampire are you?" There was a playful ness to her voice. 

"One that knows just what you like." She threw the flower on the bed and moved a step away from him. 

"Is that so? What is it that you think that I like?" He moved closing in the gap that she had made when she moved away. He took his finger and ran it down her face just like the flower had. He took the clip out of her hair and let it fall over her shoulders. He stroked it taking in the scent of her shampoo. When his hand reached the back of her neck he brought his lips to hers. Their tongues danced in each other's mouths. As they kissed he lowered her to the bed. He had begun to move his hand up her shirt and suddenly she pushed him off her. 

"Oh come on Buffy. I know that's what you like." He had begun to move back on top of her, but once again she pushed him away. 

"Dawn's downstairs." She said in a voice that stated that she didn't want to get caught. 

"Oh come on. I can be real quite. She won't know a thing." His mouth met hers before she could give an argument. As he kissed her his hand went down her body to her thighs. Just as he was about to move upward to unbutton the same pants that she had shed for him the night before she pushed him away once again. 

"Spike I can't. Not that I don't want to. I just can't." She turned her head away from him. 

"I understand about the little bit. I know I shouldn't have come here, but I couldn't help it. When you're not there I feel empty. You're everything to me Buffy." He reached his hand out to touch her shoulder. She moved the instant his fingertip graced her skin. 

"It's not just about Dawn. Spike, I don't know if I can do this. I don't even know who I am anymore." It was catching up to her again. She had been fine for a while, but he could tell that this was about her being brought back. He wished that he had known what Willow had been planning. He would have tried to stop her. 

"What are you talking about? Your Buffy." Her eyes avoided his. 

"It's just. It's different. He told me that there was something different. Something that made us all different." 

"Who told you?" Spike hated when people danced around the subject. He had gotten enough of that during his years with Dru. 

"Angel. I called him this morning. I didn't call him the other night because I didn't know exactly what to tell him. I asked about the Patofi thing and then about the pictures. He wasn't much help. He just told me that I was different. That you would know. And to tell you that he knew." So she did call him. He knew she would, but a part of him had hoped that she wouldn't. Hoped that she didn't need him anymore. That all she needed was him, but who was he kidding. 

"He told you to tell me? Is he off his rocker?" Spike couldn't remember the last time he had even heard from Angelus. Hadn't even given him much thought. 

"Yeah. I don't have the slightest idea what he was talking about, but he assured me that you would." She was still saddened by the fact that she had once again been told she was different. 

Spike had an idea of what Angel was talking about, but he had no idea how he knew. He hadn't told anyone. "Not a clue. Listen why don't you just relax today. I'll patrol tonight and you can have a sister moment with Dawn or what not." He left before Buffy had the chance to protest. He needed to think. Needed to figure everything out. There was something that he didn't know. Something that for some reason Angel could figure out from LA. Something that was connected to a night that he had tried to forget for fifty years.   
  
  
  


Part 2 || Part 4 


	4. "Aurora."

_"Aurora."_

  
  
  
  


"Aurora."   
Part four of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He hadn't seen her in a week. He tried so hard to find out what Angel knew, but had failed miserably. He supposed he could call the poof, but he didn't want to let Angel know that he couldn't take care of Buffy. Even if Angel didn't know about their relationship he couldn't go to him for help. If he was ever going to get Buffy to forget his sire he was going to have to do this by himself. He knew that she deserved so much better than him. She deserved to have someone that she could share everything with. And that, as much as he didn't want it to, included going outside in the middle of the day. There was so much that he couldn't give her. He had one thing that he could offer. That was love. He loved her more than anyone ever could. She could find someone who could take her to the beach, someone who she could grow old with, someone who could give her children, but she would never be able to find someone who would love her more than he did. He fell asleep with the thoughts of all he couldn't give her running through his head. He felt empty as he slept. 

When he woke he felt her staring at him. She was sitting in a chair near his bed watching him. "What are you doing here luv?" His eyes were still trying to focus. He felt more tired than when he had fallen asleep. 

"Just watching you. I was going to wake you, but it looked like you needed the sleep." 

"Yeah I guess I haven't been getting much of that lately. Look Buffy, I've been thinking, and I think that it's a good idea for you to stay away from me. You can't have a life as long as I'm in it." He couldn't look at her as he said these words. He wanted more than anything for her to stay, but it wasn't fair to her. 

"You can't decide that for me. I need you in my life. You made me feel again. You gave me a reason to stay here. I would have killed myself if it weren't for you. I don't know how you did it, but you showed me what life was like. You showed me how to love again." Her words warmed him. Everything about her made him feel human. He wasn't a demon with her he was a man. 

"Buffy you don't need me. You need to be normal. You need to get everything back to the way it was before your life fell apart. For a long time I thought that I could do that for you, but I can't." he didn't know why she all of a sudden was admitting the fact that she needed him. He had wanted nothing more than for her to admit this a couple of weeks ago. Now he just felt like it was holding her back. 

"Don't you get it. You're what has kept me alive. I didn't want to admit it, but you are. " Her words completed him. He knew it was wrong, but it didn't matter. She had made her choice and it was him. She crawled into the bed and into his arms. He kissed her forehead and then fell asleep breathing in her scent. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

There was a piece of him that had been filled by her choosing him. He would have been perfectly calm except for the fact that there was still someone after her. He had finally been able to convince her that it hadn't been him who had taken the pictures of her. She had told him that it happened a couple of times. She had caught someone peering in her window and saw a camera in their hand. Then again at the cemetery she had caught someone taking pictures of her. "That was the day I ended up in your crypt accusing you. I was sure it had been you I was chasing. Though in all honesty I really hadn't gotten a good look at them." She had explained. 

It didn't make any sense to him. There had been no sightings of the mark of Patofi demons and now there was someone following her around taking pictures of her. And Angel had hinted to Buffy that he should know something about it. He was laying in her bed watching her sleep when he heard someone outside her window. He got up from the bed, careful not to wake her. By the time he had gotten to the window all he saw was a shadow running away. 

Spike had felt like he knew the person he saw running away. *It could be that poofter of an ex-boyfriend she had. What was his name again? Oh yeah, Riley Finn.* Spike began to think that it might be fun if it was Riley. *It must be killing him to see us together. He would know that I was in her bed. Maybe if I'm lucky he will be so upset about the whole thing I can get him to kill himself.* Spike smirked at his thoughts. *No if it had been Riley you can bet that he would have attacked me by now. Besides he's off somewhere trying to get another boy scout badge, no doubt.* Even if he really didn't have an idea of who it was, he knew that he couldn't tell Buffy. She didn't need to worry about this. He was going to fix it for her. She admitted that she needed him, but he still felt like he had something to prove. He headed down the stairs leaving Buffy to sleep. He sat down on the couch in the Summer's living room and it wasn't long before Dawn had entered the room. "Hey Spike, whatcha doing here?" 

"Just come to make sure that everything was alright with you and your sis." He wasn't to into conversation at the moment. He was still trying to figure out who had been at Buffy's window. 

"Last time I checked we were fine. But hey if there's some new four eyed monster after us I could help with the research. I think I'm getting really good with the books that contain English in them." Buffy had entered the room and was glaring at Dawn. 

"I don't want you doing any research. And what four eyed monster?" Buffy had the not another one tone to her voice. 

"Just the one I made up in my head. I did make it up right Spike?" Dawn had begun to twirl her hair. A habit she had just recently picked up. 

"Made up, right." He was just barley paying attention at this point. 

"Darn. I was so looking forward to meeting a four eyed monster on my patrol tonight. Oh well I guess I'll just have to settle for your basic I want to suck your blood vampire." 

"I better go with you tonight. There's been some talk about some sort of a ritual or something. Could be trouble." Until Spike could figure out who it was at Buffy's window he had better go with her. 

"I thought that you just said that there was a no go with the big and scary?" he knew that Buffy didn't mind him going with her, but she had to put a show on for Dawn so that she wouldn't get suspicious. 

"Oh right. Well you know what they say strength in numbers." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Spike had been worn out after patrolling. There hadn't been many vamps, but Buffy had found other ways of tiring him out. God he loved her. He had watched the telly for a while before deciding to just give in and go to bed. When he got to his bed he noticed that there was a body in it. Wrapped tightly in the covers. He couldn't even see her hair, but he had his suspicions as to who it might be. 

"Still frustrated about there not being a lot to kill I see. Come to take your frustrations out on me." He slid the covers off of her as he spoke. But it wasn't Buffy. The long auburn hair clung to the covers as he pulled them away. She turned to face him. Her dark brown eyes caught his, he was sorry for what he had done to her. Sorry for what she was. His thoughts drifted back to that night. The night he tried so hard to forget. There had been something different about her. Something that attracted him to her. Dru had told him things about her. Told him this one was special. He would have never thought. He didn't realize it until it was too late. He ran. He was sorry. 

"Surprised to see me?" Her voice carried through his memories. It was different now than it had been, but still so much the same. 

"Aurora. What are you doing here?" 

"Like you care. I didn't come for you if that's what you're worried about. Given up on that long ago." She got up out of the bed and stepped close to him. He hadn't known what it was like. The power that it had. 

"Look I'm sorry. I couldn't. You have to leave. You can't stay here." He couldn't let her be here. There was a connection that he had only experienced once and even then he was on the other end. 

"Why because of her. I saw you in the graveyard. How could you do it again? When I heard that she had been brought back I should have known." 

"I didn't. Is that why you're here? Leave her alone. It's not the same as with you." It had been her. She was the one who was taking pictures of Buffy. She was the one who was lurking around. He had felt her and just didn't want to admit it. 

"She has the right to know. Do you have any idea what it's like? It took me years to figure out what happened to me." She was yelling. It was almost as though Spike couldn't hear her. There was so much he was feeling. Guilt, fear, longing, control, abandonment, connection. 

"I'm sorry really I am, but it's not the same with Buffy. It wasn't me. You have to go." He had led her out of his crypt. Shut the door behind her and hoped she wouldn't come back.   
  
  
  


Part 3 || Part 5 


	5. "Too Late."

_"Too Late."_

  
  
  
  
  


"Too Late."   
Part five of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


The magic shop had been quiet all morning. Buffy and the gang had been researching a new demon that she thought she saw. When Spike got there they had informed him that they were getting nowhere. It wasn't until a girl, who wore a full length black dress, entered the magic shop that anyone actually took notice of one of the customers. There was something about her. Something that made all of them take notice. Spike feared what would happen. He didn't know why she was there. He didn't even know why she was in town. He decided that before she saw him he should go. He headed off to the training room in the back of the magic shop and watched them all from a distance. 

"Oh my God. Aurora?" Anya had begun to scream along with the girl who had just walked in the door. 

"Anya!" The girl said and ran up to Anya and hugged her. 

"You know her?" Xander sounded as shocked to learn of Anya's friend as Spike was. 

"Yes she's one of the best friends I had. We kind of lost touch when I became human. You can't sense where you're friends are when you're human like you can as a demon." Anya was beaming. 

"You're human now?" Aurora spoke. Her voice still got to him. Even though he was only watching from a distance he could still feel her. 

"Yes, I managed to make the boss a little angry and he bound me to this life where I have to live and die a mortal. It's ok though. I have money now. And I'm getting married." Anya showed off her engagement ring to her friend. 

"I hope not to someone like that troll that I kept hearing you talk about." 

"Oh no. I'm marring a human." She pulled Xander to his feet. "This is Xander." 

"Nice to meet you." Aurora took his hand. 

"Like wise." Xander shook her hand still a bit shocked. 

"You have to come to the wedding. We'll have to rearrange the seating, but I'm sure that won't be a problem. You will be in Sunnydale for a while won't you." Spike could tell this wasn't ok with Xander. Buffy had told him that Xander hated worrying where everyone was going to sit and thought it would all be easier if he didn't have to invite his family. 

"Yes I will be around for a while. I'm staying at the hotel down the road. I actually just came in for some candles." Aurora seemed to have somewhere else she needed to be by the sound in her voice. 

"Oh we have tons of them…." Anya led her off to the other side of the magic shop and as much as Spike tried to hear what they were saying all he could hear was Xander. 

"Anya has a normal friend. Did you just see that? There were no strange horns or anything." 

"Yes. I saw." Buffy's voice brought Spike back to reality. His thoughts had been so occupied in the past 24 hours because of Aurora showing up that he had completely forgotten about everything that was going on. He should tell Buffy that he knew who had been taking pictures of her. He should tell her everything, but then he thought that maybe it would be better to figure out why Aurora was here first. He would talk to Anya. Find out everything that happened in the past 50 years. 

"She seemed nice." Buffy said as she turned another page in her book. 

"She's not some sort of a demon is she?" Xander asked and Spike could tell that he really didn't want to know the answer. 

"I don't know what you would call her. She's not like the rest of them really. Probably has something to do with the fact that she used to be a slayer." Anya had returned to the table where they all were sitting. 

"She used to be a what??" Buffy was yelling. It was too late. Buffy was going to find out and he knew that she wouldn't speak to him again.   
  
  
  


Part 4 || Part 6 


	6. "Unwanted Truth."

_"Unwanted Truth."_

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Unwanted Truth."   
Part six of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


"Ok. Stop, rewind, repeat." Xander had said exactly what Spike knew Buffy would have if she could form words. She was staring blankly into space and a part of him wanted to go to her, but he knew it would be better if he just stayed put. Watching from a distance. 

"Repeat what. That I don't really know if she's a demon. I guess you could call her one, I mean she has some of the same similarities…….." Anya was about to give them the whole demon lowdown. 

"Not that. The part about the slayer." Once again Xander spoke on behalf of Buffy. 

"Oh that. She used to be one. But that was decades ago. Really Buffy I don't think she's here for your job." 

Buffy spoke, she was angry. "My job?? How could you have not told me about this? She used to be a slayer. What happened to her? How can she be here? A new slayer isn't called until the old one dies." 

"She did die. Then she came back. It's not that big of a deal." Spike was grateful that Anya was so nonchalant about the whole thing. 

"NOT A BIG DEAL! How can you say that? Of course it is. There is a slayer out there who's alive that isn't me and it isn't Faith." 

"That's what I don't know. I mean she walks and talks and everything, but I'm not real clear on weather or not she's alive." Anya reached for Xander's hand as she spoke. 

"What are you talking about? She was here. I saw her. She was alive." Spike could see tears starting to form in Buffy's eyes. Yet he did not go to her. 

"You of all people should know that just because someone is walking and talking doesn't mean they are alive. Come on Buff, vampires for instance." Xander had chimed in. Spike figured that he was trying to keep Buffy from killing his soon to be wife. 

"Ok fine. So why is she here? What happened to her? How did she die?" Spike hoped that Anya didn't know the answers to those questions. He should be the one to tell Buffy, but at the same time he didn't want to be the one to tell her. He at least wanted to be alone with her when he told her. He couldn't tell her here. Couldn't tell her now. 

"It was a vampire. I don't know much about it. I didn't meet her until much later. All I know is that he changed her and then took off." Anya still wasn't taking this as seriously as Buffy was. 

"You mean he changed her into a vamp. But it's the middle of the day and she just walked out into the sun." None of this made any sense. 

"See that's what I mean. She's kind of like them, but then she's not. She doesn't age, she can go all 'ghhrrrr' with the fangs, and I've seen her drink blood. I don't think that she needs it, but she just kind of craves it. And at the same time she can go out in the day and a wooden stake through her heart doesn't cause her to become piles of dust." Even Spike was surprised by these facts. He really didn't know anything about her. 

"You're sure she was turned vamp?? She isn't some other kind of demon or something." Clearly Buffy wasn't getting it. 

"She told me that she had gotten hung up on some guy and the next thing she was dead and then not so much. She said it was a vamp. I don't know why she would lie to me. So, yeah, I'm sure it was a vamp." 

Buffy headed for the door. Xander tried to stop her. "Where are you going? Look Buff, you just got a lot of information here, don't you think you need a little time to sort it out?" 

"No I need to go. I just need to be alone." Buffy didn't even look back at them as she headed out the front door of the magic shop. Spike went to follow her. 

"So you were spying on us." Xander said just as Spike walked past him. 

"You knew I was there." Was all Spike said. He headed for the door. As he pulled his blanket over his head he heard Xander mumble something about how he still shouldn't have been listening. Spike didn't care. He went out the magic shop door after Buffy. He couldn't see where she went, but he figured his best bet would be to check her house. He had gotten halfway there when something hit him on the back of the head. He fell to the ground unconscious.   
  
  
  


Part 5 || Part 7 


	7. "They Slept."

_"They Slept."_

  
  
  


"They Slept."   
Part seven of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He woke up in a small office. The back of his head hurt and his hands were bound tightly to the chair that he was sitting in. He remembered Buffy. How the news that there was a slayer out there who had died, but was still very much alive had shocked her. How she had left the magic shop to be alone. How he followed her to make sure she was all right. And now he was here. He needed to get back to her. He tried to loosen the ropes that kept him in the chair, but they wouldn't give. It was then that he saw someone walk past the door and realized exactly where he was. 

"Bloody hell." He said quietly just before yelling. "Oh come on. Don't just walk past and stare." 

The figure that had just walked past turned and was soon standing in the doorway of the office where he sat. She looked at him with a smirk on her face. "I'd say nice to see you, but it never turns out nice when you're around." 

"Could say the same for you at the moment. Why don't you just untie me? I can't hurt you. Bloody chip in me head." 

"I know all about your chip, but I was told to keep you here. Besides I just had my nails done and I don't plan on wrecking them trying to set you loose." She turned and headed out the door. 

"CORDELIA!!" She didn't turn around. He supposed he should have figured Angel was going to get involved in the whole thing. Buffy had called him and Angel was never the type to leave things well enough alone. If there was a damsel in distress Angel always pranced up to save the day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It had been twenty minutes. Twenty painfully dull minutes. There had been no movement outside the door and as much as Spike kept trying to loosen the ropes that were binding his hands he couldn't. He kept thinking about Buffy. Wondering if she was all right. Wondering what Aurora was planning to do. It surly wasn't a coincidence that she had ended up in his bed or that she had been at the magic shop. He did, however, think that it had been a surprise to her to find Anya there. Spikes thoughts were interrupted when the office door opened. He would have been relieved that someone was there to break the silence, but the person standing in the door was his least favorite person in the world. 

Angel threw a mug filled with blood on the table in front of Spike. "Room service. How thoughtful. And here I thought you were going to let me die." Spike loved taunting Angel. As much as he hated the bloke he could always get a good laugh at his expense. 

"I thought about letting you die, Spike. Believe me I did. But you're the only one who can stop this." 

"Right then. I can't drink it if you don't untie me mate." Angel shut the door, went to Spike and untied the ropes that held him in the chair. "That's better." Spike said just as he had gotten loose. He hit Angel hard in the face and Angel fell backwards, his back hitting the edge of the desk. Within seconds Angel was up and pummeled Spike, pinning him against the wall his arm pressing tight against his neck. 

"That wasn't very considerate of you Spike. I invite you to my home and that is how you repay me." Angel tightened the pressure he had on Spikes neck. 

"Invite me? You bloody dragged me!" At that Angel pulled Spike away from the wall and pushed him back into the chair that he had been tied to. 

"She's there isn't she? In Sunnydale." 

"How do you know about her? I didn't tell anyone. Not a soul." Spike sipped from the mug that Angel had brought him. 

"I've known for a long time. Drusilla told me." 

"But I never even told her. Not a soul." He had been to scared to tell anyone. They weren't supposed to do what he did. It was against their code, but he didn't know at the time. She was just nobody. 

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that she's here. She found you. And I can't imagine that she's all that happy with you. I mean with you just leaving and all. And I can't help thinking that she's the one who's after Buffy. And I swear to god if she hurts Buffy because of you, I will kill you." There was nothing like a threat from Angel to make his day complete. 

"How the hell do you think I'm supposed to keep her away from Buffy when you've dragged me all the way here?" 

"You're here because you need to be. There are some things that you and I need to work out before you can go back. First off you need to know the seriousness of this whole thing. I've been researching her ever since Dru told me about her. There is a prophecy." Angel opened a book that had been sitting on the desk in front of Spike. He began to read. "'A slayer will die and rise again to walk with the living. She will live alone and silent until another slayer joins her. She will come forth to seek revenge. Revenge on those who made her. Putting an end to the chosen one.'" 

"And a little book told you that. How many other books you got there that predict Buffy's death?" 

"That's not the point Spike. The point is that this one is the one that is important now." Angel gave Spike a reprimanding look. 

"Right. This one's important now." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Angel had droned on for well over three hours before he let Spike leave. He made him tell him everything that he knew about Aurora. It wasn't much. He hadn't seen her since everything happened. Hadn't seen her in fifty years. He had learned more about her from what Anya had told Buffy than he had ever heard about her before. Then Angel gave him orders. Told him what he was supposed to do. Spike didn't really listen because he had no intentions to do what he said. He did figure that he would keep Angel informed on what was going on. It would be better if Angel knew in case something happened to him and Buffy was left alone to fight something that was brought on by him. 

When he got to his crypt he took his leather duster off and flung it over a chair. He took his shirt off and headed towards the bed. When he got there he found Buffy wrapped tightly in the covers. He went to her, he held her, and they slept. Peaceful. Not thinking about everything that was going on. They just slept.   
  
  
  


Part 6 || Part 8 


	8. "Let Her Cry."

_"Let Her Cry."_

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Let Her Cry."   
Part eight of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: PG-13. For this part of the series anyways.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com) I   


He woke before she did and took the opportunity to just look at her. She was at peace. She wasn't the slayer at this moment. She was just Buffy. She was a girl who had been through so much, had so little time to be herself. He wondered if the only time she actually got to be herself was when she was like this. When she was sleeping. He moved his body closer to hers so that her chest was pressing against his. He put his hand behind her head and just held her like you would a baby. He felt sorry for her. When she woke up she would once again have to be the slayer. She would have to save the world. 

He knew that when she woke he was going to have to tell her everything. He knew there was a chance that she was going to hate him. He knew that there was nothing that he was going to be able to do. The world seemed smaller. His views of it had always been so large. He had been to every continent in his life and he knew how massive it all was, but at this moment it seemed small. It seemed like there was nothing outside of Sunnydale. Nothing outside of his crypt. The whole world could fit into this tiny space, because that is where she was. Nothing else mattered. Then she stirred. The fear of loosing her rang through his whole body, tearing up the linings of his nonexistent soul. He hadn't feared anything in the longest time. He was above it. 

The first thing she did when she opened her eyes was move her mouth to meet his. It was a kiss that they had never shared before. To Spike it was more meaningful than anything between them. This kiss wasn't about need, fear, passion, depression, lust, frustration, or domination like everything they had ever shared was. This kiss simply said that she had missed him. That she had wondered where he was and that part of her was worried about him. 

There was a long silence after their mouths parted. He did not know where to start. There were so many things that she needed to know. Before he could get his thoughts straight she spoke. "It got late and I just kinda fell asleep." 

"S'Alright." 

"Where did you go?" He could tell that this really wasn't what she wanted to talk about. 

"Had an unexpected trip. Nothing for you to worry about." He brought her hand to his face and kissed the inside of her palm. 

"I know you heard about the girl who was in the magic shop." She turned her body and leaned her back against his chest. 

"Yeah, about her…" Before he could finish she cut him off. 

"She was a slayer. How could no one have told me about this? There were never any 'Hey Buffy, by the way, there was this one slayer who got turned into a vamp and for some reason she can go out in the day and won't really die if you drive a wooden stake through her heart.'" 

"No one knew about her. She…" Once again he was cut off. 

"They had to have known she died. The next slayer was…" He put his hand over her mouth silencing her. 

"You have to listen to me. Slayers aren't meant to be turned. When it happened… There was nothing I… It was too late. I turned her." He could feel her body tense in shock. "I didn't know that she was the slayer at the time. I didn't realize it 'til after it was already done." 

She pushed away from him and sat on the edge of the bed not looking at him. "You." She said quietly like she didn't want to believe it. "You never said anything. Not even when you told me about the others." 

"The one rule you have as a vampire is to kill the slayer, not make her live-forever. I left her there. I didn't tell a soul. I haven't even seen her since that night." 

"Why is she different? Why can she do what other vampires can't?" 

"I don't know." He really didn't. When he left after he had changed her, he never looked back. Never wondered about her. He felt guilty for leaving her, but not enough to make sure she was all right. 

"Why is she here?" 

"She's here to end the chosen one." He moved closer to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. 

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" She pushed his hand away. 

"Buffy you have to understand. I didn't know!" 

"And that is supposed to make it ok?" 

"No it's not. But it isn't any worse than any of the other things that you know I've done. I was evil, but I've changed. You've changed me." She fell silent. He didn't know if she believed that he had changed, but she wasn't trying to kill him so that was a good sign. 

"What if I'm like her?" Her question came out of nowhere. 

"You're not." 

"You said it yourself I came back wrong. What if it's because I'm the slayer?" Tears came flooding from her eyes. How he wished that she hadn't been brought back. Wished that she didn't have to be feeling the pain that all this had caused her. He wrapped his arms around her and this time she did not push him away, rather she turned to face him and buried her face in his chest. Sobbing.   
  
  
  


Part 7 || Part 9 


	9. "Pink Shirt."

_"Pink Shirt."_

  
  


"Pink Shirt."   
Part nine of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


She had cried for well over an hour. He knew that the one thing she wanted to be was normal. To have a normal life, but she couldn't. It wasn't meant for her. It wasn't meant for him. They were both standing on the outside looking in. They would never be able to touch life as a human. For her this was the first time she must have realized it. He lifted her head off his chest and looked into her well drained eyes. "I love you. You know that. You can hate me for what I did if you want. I don't care. It won't change what I feel." 

He feared what her response would be. She was fickle. He could bend over backwards for her and still it wouldn't be enough. 

"I don't hate you. I know a part of me should, but I don't. You did a lot of things in your past. I don't forgive you for any of them, but I know about them. I knew about them before. That's why this is so wrong, but I can't go away. I won't go away. There's something that's different about you from everyone else. I don't have to hold back. You take me for who I am and don't expect me to be something else." She had rested her head back on his chest and was tracing it with her fingers. "I just want to know that we're going to stop her." 

"We will, pet." 

"And I need to know everything about her." 

"I don't know much, but............." She had begun to lick his chest and he couldn't think straight. Let alone finish a sentence. 

"I don't need to know that now. Unless she plans on paying you a visit." 

"God I hope not." He tore at her clothes. Their mouths met. They scratched, they bruised, they shagged like crazy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They lay sprawled on the floor naked. They hadn't lasted very long on the bed. Beds were so small. They needed room, besides there was something too clean about a bed. The floor was much more suiting. She was thinking. Silent reflections of what they had just done, or perhaps just thoughts of nothing. He didn't know, just that she looked peaceful. Then her face changed. "Oh my god. What time is it?" 

"''Lil past 6:00 I think. Why?" 

"Dinner. I'm supposed to be at the rehearsal dinner thing." She had gotten up and was searching for her clothes. 

"What rehearsal?" 

"Xander and Anya's wedding rehearsal." She found her shirt and lifted it off the ground. "Did you really need to rip this to shreds? And my scarf is burnt. Now what am I going to wear?" 

"Don't know. Maybe you'll just have to stay put. I'm sure I could show you a better time. Xander's a bit dull." He was clearly not sorry for what he had done to her shirt. 

"Not funny. I have to go. I'm one of the bridesmaids. We're supposed to learn when to walk down the isle and we have to try on our dresses and everything." 

"Right then. I'll go with you." He stood and started putting his pants on. 

"You weren't invited. They'll start to ask questions if you come with me." She was completely dressed except for a shirt. She took one of his that was lying on the ground, picked it up and smelt it. It must have passed the April fresh test because she put it on. 

*Damn she looks good in my clothes.* He thought just before arguing with her. "So what if they ask questions. You're not embarrassed by me are you?" 

"Embarrassed by you. All the time." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Oh please. For one your hair. Peroxide blonde went out a long time ago." 

"Hey don't talk about my hair." 

"Ok fine. What about your stupid leather duster?" She said just as he was putting it on. 

"I'll have you know they still sell these. Quite expensive too." 

"Yeah and did you ever notice that nobody buys them?" She started out the door to his crypt and he followed her. 

"And you're so much better." He said as they walked. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You and your pink little fingernails. You could stop traffic with those." Her nails had been painted the brightest shade of pink he had ever seen. 

"Well yeah it looks stupid now. They went with the shirt that you tore to shreds." 

"I did you a favor. That shirt was much to bright." 

"Whatever," she said as they had reached the magic shop, "Just behave yourself tonight. And if anyone asks you're here because there is some big demon out to get me." 

"Sure. What ever you say luv." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The moment she opened the door Xander leapt up from the table. "Buffy. Hi. So glad you made it. Come. Sit. Eat." His tone stated that he would rather be anywhere else. As Buffy entered Spike followed her only to be stopped by Xander. "Not so fast Captain Peroxide. Family and members of the wedding party only. Last time I checked you were neither." He had begun to shut the door on Spikes face. 

"Xander." Buffy protested. 

"Fine, but I don't have to like it." 

"Would be offended if you did." Spike stated as he entered the room. 

"Hi everybody. Mr. & Mrs. Harris." Buffy took a seat next to Willow and Spike sat next to her. 

"You must be Bunny." Mrs. Harris stated. 

"It's Buffy." 

"Oh yes, Buffy." Mrs. Harris said disapprovingly. 

"And you are who exactly? Surely my son has better taste in friends than you." Mr. Harris stated looking at Spike. 

"Spike and I friends? That's a funny one dad. He's actually… a …. a" 

"I'm here with Buffy." Spike stated matter of factly. He put his hand on Buffy's thigh underneath the table. 

"Yes, Spike and I are um…." 

"We're head over heels in love. Just like your boy Xander and his pet Anya." Spike was giddy. He squeezed his hand on Buffy's thigh. 

"Is that so?" Mrs. Harris said while looking away from them, not really wanting an answer. 

"So what is it that we're having for dinner?" Mr. Harris was changing the subject. His son's choice of friends surely bothered him. 

"We got Chinese." Anya stated coming around the corner with the boxed food. 

"Really Alexander. You would think that for your wedding you would at least have a decent dinner." Mrs. Harris seemed to not like anything about her son. 

"Did I do something wrong? Are we supposed to be having something different? The bridal magazines didn't say what to have for a rehearsal dinner." Spike could tell that Anya's completely confused tone bothered Mrs. Harris. 

"No Anya. It's fine. Just sometimes people like to have very formal dinners." Willow had a nice way of explaining things to Anya. She could explain things in a way that didn't make Anya feel stupid and at the same time gave everyone else in the room the impression that she thought that Anya was hopeless. 

"Oh ok. Look we even got fortune cookies." Anya laid the food on the table and everyone began to grab for it. 

"Honestly." Mr. Harris said as he was reaching for the rice. Dawn had gotten to it faster than he had. 

"Oh sorry. Did you want this?" Dawn said as she put it back down. 

"Oh this night is going to be fun." Spike said in a whisper that only Buffy could hear. 

"Remember behave. And what's with the you and I being madly in love?" 

"Well you really didn't want me to tell Xander's mum and pop your cover story did you?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They ate and babbled about absolutely nothing. Nobody really wanted to say anything in front of Xanders parents. Spike however had managed to throw in a couple of comments about Xander making a good meal. He didn't think that Mr. & Mrs. Harris had any clue as to what he was talking about, but the looks he got from all of the scoobies told him that they knew exactly what he had been getting at. 

After dinner the girls talked about how they were going to wear their hair and all the other frilly things that girls talked about. When they finally headed off to the training room to try on their dresses Spike headed over to the other side of the magic shop and was looking at all of the books. He could hear the conversation between Xander and his parents. 

"So she owns this little shop does she?" Mr. Harris was looking around the table where he sat. 

"Yep." 

"And it's a magic shop, right?" Mrs. Harris was clearly uncomfortable with this fact. 

"More of like a meditation shop. You know candles good, bad chi bad." Xander was beginning to twitch. 

"But it's called the 'Magic Box' is it not." Said Mr. Harris. 

"Yeah well you know. It attracts more teeny bopper business that way. They like to think of it as magic." Xander finished his sentence got up from the table and walked towards Spike muttering something to himself. 

"Trouble with the parents?" 

"Shut up Spike." 

"You hurt me with your words." Spike lifted his hands to his chest driving an invisible stake threw his heart. 

"Why are you even here?" 

"I'm here with Buffy remember?" 

"Just as long as you don't show up at the wedding tomorrow." Xander was leaning up against the wall avoiding looking at his parents. 

"But I was invited. Wouldn't miss it for the world." 

"I didn't invite you." 

"Maybe not you, but your little soon to be wife did." Just then Willow came out of the back room wearing the most hideous green dress Spike had ever seen. 

"Xander we need to have a talk. Now I know she doesn't know the rules, but making people wear dresses like these is why people are never still friends with the people who were in their weddings." 

"But it goes so nicely with your hair Red." Spike gave Willow a half smile. 

"Oh come on Wil. After the wedding we'll have a bonfire and burn the things." Xander put his arm around Willows shoulder and began to walk away. 

Then Buffy came out of the back room dressed in the exact same dress. Spike couldn't help, but laugh. She modeled it nicely for Mr. & Mrs. Harris. Spike went up to her and just looked at her. 

"What?" She asked when he wouldn't stop smirking. 

"Just thinking that I miss that bloody pink shirt." He answered her and gave her the 'you know you want me' look. 

"What pink shirt?" Dawn said as she came out of the room. 

"No pink shirt." Buffy said trying to give Spike the hint that he should shut up. 

"The pink shirt that you were just yelling at me about wrecking, not more than three hours ago." 

"That's enough, Spike. I don't think that anyone wants to hear about my stupid pink shirt." She looked away from him. 

"You're right maybe they'd rather hear about your scarf." 

"Ok that's enough." She said to him as she grabbed a bag that contained her clothes and started pushing him towards the door. "Sorry we have to call it a night. See you all tomorrow at the wedding." 

"Buffy you can't leave we've still got all kinds of things we have to go over." Anya protested. 

"I'm sure she'll be able to figure out how to walk in a straight line all by herself." Spike said as Buffy pushed him out the door. 

"What were you thinking??" She yelled as soon as the door to the magic shop closed. 

"I was thinking I wanted to get out of there. You can't tell me you weren't thinking the exact same thing." 

"OK so maybe I was. Look at this dress." She said lifting it up so that she could walk. 

"I don't know. I think it looks kind of flattering." 

"Flattering. It makes my butt look big and look at this stupid flower." 

He wasn't thinking about the flower. Or even the dress for that matter. Well unless you count thinking about how the dress would look lying on the floor of his crypt after he took it off her.   


  


Part 8 || Part 10 


	10. "Gone."

_"Gone."_

  
  
  
  


"Gone."   
Part ten of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


They had a wonderful time after the rehearsal dinner. Buffy had done something with her tongue that drove Spike wild. He had begged her to stay the night, but she insisted that she needed to go home. He guessed that it was all right because he would be seeing her once again at the wedding. 

He figured if he planned on seeing her at the wedding he better get ready to go. He knew that he should probably wear a suit, but he didn't have one. And besides he hated wearing them. He had been so happy when the fad of wearing a suit every day had ended. He went through the pile of clothes he had on the floor. There wasn't much there, but he decided that his leather pants and his blood red button down shirt was the way to go. *At least I can have fun watching Xanders parents give him disapproving looks for the people he hangs out with.* He thought as he searched for his leather duster. He found it under the bed and smiled when he remembered how it had gotten there. He put it on grabbed a sack of blood out of the fridge, put it in his pocket, and headed into the sewers. 

He had been lucky that the sewers had connected to the basement of the church. He had to go down a skinny tunnel for a while to get there and it proved to be harder than he thought it would have been. It would have been easier for him if he could have just walked there, but it was day and he thought that the church was a little to far to brave under his blanket. When he had finally gotten to the opening of the basement of the church he heard voices. He pondered weather or not he should just sit there and listen for a while, but then he heard the girls talking about their dresses and decided that it could be a while before they started talking about something interesting. He lifted the hole cover of the basement floor and he had only gotten a single hand out before Willow started screaming. 

"There's someone coming up threw the sewers." She stepped on his hand and recovered his entrance. 

"Bloody hell woman!!" 

"Oh it's you Spike. Hold on just a second." Then she yelled. "It's only Spike. Is everyone decent?" 

"You gals naked up there?" He pressed his eyes against the holes in the floor trying to get a glimpse of the girls who stood above him. 

"We're all good." Buffy said as Willow lifted the floor and let Spike enter the room. 

"Nice little dressing room you got here." He said looking around at the dust covered boxes and the nativity scene that was stuffed in the corner. 

"Yeah well Anya got the superstition of 'you can't see the bride before the wedding' a little mixed up and she's locked in the only decent room upstairs by herself." Willow said as she straightened the hideous flower on the front of her dress. 

Buffy was struggling to hook the latch at the top of her dress. Spike went to her moved her hand out of his way and hooked the clasp. He realized that Willow, Dawn, and Tara were all staring at him puzzled. He tried to explain his actions. "Just got caught up in the whole wedding thing." He stepped away from her and stuck his hands inside his pockets looking at the ground. 

"You should probably go find a seat Spike. The place is really filling up. Some of Anya's friends take up a row by themselves." Tara said as she opened the door for him. 

"Right." He walked out the door glancing once more at Buffy. Despite the dress, she looked beautiful. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When he got up into the church he was a little uneasy about the cross hanging on the wall behind the altar. He decided to take a seat in the back. He recognized a lot of the demons who were on the brides side of the church. He hoped that none of them would look back and see him. Demons had had it in for him these past couple of years. He really couldn't blame them. He had betrayed his kind. He didn't see Aurora. He wondered when she would show up. Anya had said that she told her she would be there, but no sign of her. It would probably be better if she didn't come. Buffy didn't need the reminder that she wasn't normal. 

He sat there for a while and began to get restless. He looked around the sanctuary for a clock, but there wasn't one. He figured it was a sin to look at a clock while the word of the lord was being spoken. Finally Xander's parents entered the room followed by their son. Xander stood before the altar. "Finally." Spike said quietly looking behind him to see if the girls were entering. He saw Willow, Tara, and Dawn standing there and turned back around glad to see that this would all soon be over. 

The organist started to play and a woman had started to sing some sappy love song. When the song had ended Spike noticed that Xander looked puzzled. He looked behind him and could see Dawn and Willow arguing. He tried to make out what they were saying, but couldn't quite figure it out. He thought that they had said something about not starting because someone was gone. *So Anya isn't the brainless twit I thought she was. Finally realized that life with Xander was going to be boring.* He thought just as the organist started another song. But that song ended just as the other one had. He could tell that Xander was deciding weather or not he should go and see what the hold up was. He must have decided to because he left the altar, walked down the isle to the doors in the back of the church. Spike followed him. He wanted to be there when Xander got the bad news that his bride had developed a brain. 

"What's going on guys? When the music starts you're supposed to mosey on down the isle." Xander was nervous. 

"Xander." Anya's voice came from behind the door. 

"An. I was beginning to think that you had second thoughts." 

"No. I'm just waiting here for the 'here comes the bride'. That is when I'm supposed to walk down the isle and make everyone jealous of me isn't it?" Spike could tell that it made her happy that she would be the center of attention. 

"Well if it isn't you then what's the hold up? I don't think I can take those people in there staring at me for much longer. The guy with the four eyes is giving me the heebie jeebies." 

"Oh that's just Caleb. He wouldn't hurt a fly. Well except for the fact that he eats flies." Everyone had the 'eww gross' look on their faces after Anyas declaration. 

"It's Buffy. She's gone." Willow stated. 

"What do you mean she's gone? Where the hell did she go?" Spike couldn't believe it. 

"Nobody knows." Tara said. 

"Well where did you last see her?" there were all kinds of terrible thoughts running through Spikes head. 

"In the bathroom. Buffy and I went in to do a final hair and make up check." Dawn was twirling her hair around her fingers. 

"And you left her there?" 

"She said that she needed to straighten her nylons and that she would be out in a minute." 

"We checked the bathroom. She's not there anymore." Said Willow. 

Spike walked down the hall towards the bathroom yelling Buffy's name. There was no answer. He opened the bathroom door only to find nothing just like Willow had said. He walked down the hall farther. He stopped suddenly when his hair started to smoke. "Bloody Hell" He shouted putting the flames out. The windows in the church were all stained glass except for the ones in the lobby. They had done a pretty good job of blocking out the sun from turning him into a big pile of ash. The one directly above where he stood had been broken. He could smell blood. Buffy's blood. She had been cut by the glass as she was dragged out. 

He was furious. Someone had taken her while he was there. He should have watched her more carefully. He shouldn't have just sat there waiting for the ceremony to start. He should have stayed by her side, but there was nothing he could do about it. She was gone. He knew that it had been Aurora who had taken her. After the things that Angel said about Aurora wanting to put an end to the chosen one he should have tried to find her, but he hadn't. He was going to have to now. 

He went back to where the others were standing. "Buffy's bloods on the window just past the bathroom." 

"I didn't even notice that there was a window." Willow said. 

"I wouldn't of either if it hadn't been for the sun trying to barbeque me." 

"Do you think someone took her?" Dawn was worried. 

"Looks that way 'lil bit." 

"Who?" Xander asked. 

Spike didn't answer Xander's question. Instead he began pounding on the door of the room Anya was in. "Open the door." 

"No. No one is supposed to see me before the wedding." 

"You open this door or I'll make sure you don't have anyone to marry." 

"Hey." Xander yelled after he realized Spike had just threatened him. 

"Oh all right." Anya said as she opened the door. 

"Where's your friend?" Spike moved closer to Anya cornering her against the wall. 

"What friend?" 

"Aurora. You said she was coming. Was she here?" 

"Yes. She wished me good luck and said that she was going to go find a seat." 

"Well she never showed up in the sanctuary and now Buffy's gone." Spike's jaw was clenched so tight it looked like it might break in half. 

"And you think Aurora had something to do with it? Honestly Spike." Xander couldn't believe it. 

"She bloody well had something to do with it. Been following Buffy for weeks now. Taking pictures and what not. Angel said there's been talk about her wanting to kill the slayers." Spike was yelling. 

"She's been following Buffy?" Anya was shocked over what Spike was saying about her friend. 

"Yes. Now would you just tell me everything you know about her? Where is she staying? Did she ever give you a reason as to why she was in town?" Spike was trying to stay calm. He needed to be able to put everything together if he was going to find Buffy. 

"She said that she had a sister in Sunnydale she was visiting. I didn't ask her about it. I never really understood how the vampire family tree worked. To many sires and stuff. As for where she's staying she said that she was at the hotel up the street from the magic shop." 

Spike walked towards the front door of the church. He stopped just before he hit the lobby realizing that it was the middle of the day. He grabbed one of the quilts that were sitting on the table labeled 'quilts for the needy'. *I'm going to hell anyways.* he thought as he headed out the door. He wasn't sure if he was going to be able to find her, but he sure as hell was going to die trying.   
  
  
  


Part 9 || Part 11 


	11. "Laughing."

_"Laughing."_

  
__   
__   


"Laughing."   
Part eleven of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com) 

He had gotten to the hotel up the street from the magic shop faster than he thought possible. He didn't have any idea what room Aurora was staying in so he found himself in the hotel lobby. 

"Can I help you sir?" The person behind the counter at the hotel asked completely puzzled by the mad standing in front of him covered in a quilt. 

"I need to know what room Aurora is staying in." 

"And the last name, sir?" he asked as he was typing into the computer. 

"I don't know her last name." Spike was growing impatient. 

"I'm sorry. We won't be able to give you that information. We'll have to ask you to leave." The man said gesturing Spike towards the door. 

"I'm not going anywhere." Spike said just as he pushed the man into a room behind the counter and shut the door blocking out the sunlight. He dropped the quilt on the floor and pinned the man up against the wall. "You're going to tell me what room she's in or I'm going to have to hurt you." The chip was sending sharp pains through his brain, but he could hardly feel them. He was so worried about Buffy that someone could cut his head off his body and he wouldn't notice. 

"I can't get the information you want if I don't have a last name." 

"Well I told you once before I don't have one. I'm sure you're a smart man. There can't be that many Aurora's in your registry. Why don't you go have a look?" Spike pushed him towards the computer that was in the office. He clicked and typed and finally came up with an answer. 

"Room 212." 

"Alright, now you're going to get me the keys." 

"I can't do that sir. I've already broken the rules by telling you what room she's staying in." there was fear in the mans voice. 

Spike shifted his face to reveal the demon within. "You're going to get me that key or you won't see anything you love ever again." 

The man didn't speak, but he got Spike the keys. The second the keys were in Spikes hand he grabbed the quilt, wrapped it back around himself and headed back into the lobby to climb the stairs to the second floor. 

Standing outside room 212 he could smell Buffy's blood. She was there. It was all going to be over. He stuck the key in the door and opened it. What he saw inside was horrible. The walls had been written on with Buffy's blood. "Go to 318 W. 77th St." 

She knew that he would come to find her. She left him a message. This was all so wrong. She wanted him there. She must want him to watch her when she killed Buffy. She had another thing coming. He wasn't going to let Buffy die again. He would get there and stop everything. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

He decided to get his car before he went looking for 318 W. 77th St. He knew that it was on the other side of town, but he wasn't exactly sure where. When he got to 77th St. he took a right. There was a big abandoned church on the corner and the address on the sign read 318. He parked the car in front of the church and stepped inside. When he entered he saw Buffy's body. She wasn't moving. There was no color in her face. She looked empty. She was lying on a table surrounded by white roses. She was no longer in the bridesmaid dress, instead she was wearing a beautiful white one. A cross was laid across her chest. Aurora had wanted him to find Buffy like this. He moved closer to Buffy's body. Afraid that she was already dead. He didn't have the chance to find out. Something hit his back sending shocks through his whole body. He couldn't move. His vision started to blur. He heard voices from behind him. Then it all went black. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When he woke up he noticed that he had been locked in a cage. He could see the spot where her body had been laid out. The flowers were still there, but she was gone. 

"'Bout time you woke up." he turned around and saw her. Her cage was right behind his. He tried to reach out his hand to touch hers but they were to far away. 

"What did she do to you?" he asked not knowing what to expect. 

"I was drugged. I think. I don't really remember. I remember being in the bathroom getting ready for the wedding and then someone came up behind me and then it all gets kind of blurry. I'm not in the hideous green dress anymore and there's a really big gash on my leg. Don't know what it's all about." she shrugged and sat down on the floor in her cage. 

"You mean you haven't seen Aurora?" he didn't understand why Aurora would drag them there and then disappear. 

"Nope. There hasn't been anyone. What happened at the wedding?" she was avoiding something. He could tell from the sound of her voice, but he decided not to ask about it. 

"The wedding didn't happen. I don't know what they told everyone. I guess we'll both find out when we get out of here." he looked at the bars of his cage trying to find someway to get out. He pulled on the bars and nothing happened. 

"I all ready tried that. It's no use." She said in a tone that stated she had given up. 

"We're going to get out of here Buffy." 

"How?" she asked, but he didn't have an answer. He sat on the floor and leaned against the bars. 

Just as he was about to tell her that they would figure something out Aurora entered the room. 

"It's so nice to see that the both of you are awake." she said as she walked towards Buffy's cage. 

"You let us go. Or I'll......" Spike didn't get to finish his sentence. 

"Or you'll what? Stare at me until I do? No I think I like you right where you are." she glared at Spike as she spoke, but didn't move towards him. She instead moved closer to Buffy and put her hands on the bars of Buffy's cage. 

"You leave her alone." Spike got up off the floor and walked closer to where Buffy was, but the bars prevented him from getting very close. 

"What do you want from us?" Buffy asked Aurora. 

"I don't want anything from you. You're not what this is about. You're not like them anymore. You're like me." Aurora looked over at Spike as she spoke. 

"I'm not like you." Buffy replied. 

"Maybe not exactly like me, but you aren't like the other slayers anymore and you were never like your friends." Aurora turned back to face Buffy. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked. 

Spike heard laughing. It was coming from behind him. He looked, but he couldn't see anything. It was quiet and disoriented laughter, but it was laughter all the same. Someone was watching, finding it amusing. Aurora wasn't doing this all alone. There was someone else. Someone Spike had heard before he blacked out. He didn't know who until he heard this laughing. It was so familar. Just then Aurora started to answer Buffy's question. "It means that..." 

Spike cut her off. "Sod off Aurora. You don't have any idea what you're doing do you? You're just following orders." He looked at Aurora and then turned around and yelled "Come out, come out, where ever you are." Then he saw movements in the shadows. They were coming closer. And then she stood in front of him. Laughing.   


  


Part 10 || Part 12 


	12. "Help."

_"Help."_

  
  
  


"Help."   
Part twelve of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


"And here I thought my day couldn't get any better." Buffy said as she got up off the floor. 

"Buffy, luv. I don't really think you're in the position to complain." Spike said referring to the fact that they were being held hostage. 

"You actually think that she's a threat to me? Been there, done that. I won. Besides she can't even finish a complete thought, let alone plan my demise." Buffy said glaring at the woman who stood in front of Spike. 

Her laughing stopped. She turned and faced Buffy. "It's wrong. You think wrong. Not the same." 

"See what I mean? No complete thought there." Buffy said to Spike completely ignoring the other babblings coming from the woman. 

"Oh she has complete thoughts. They just get a little jumbled. She could end the world in a day if she really tried. Part of the reason I loved her." Spike put his hand on the bar of his cage and spoke to the disoriented woman. "Drusilla, pet, come and let us out." 

"Spike you're too far away. I can't help you. It's gone. You're nothing. She took you. She took you. She took you. She took you. She took you…" Drusilla walked closer to Buffy continuing to scream. 

"Now you've upset her. Just what we need an upset crazy lunatic." Buffy sat back down on the floor. 

"Drusilla. We can't have this. Nothing will work out if you don't calm down." Aurora walked up behind Drusilla and put her hand on her shoulder. "Now what do you say? Is it time to give her, her present?" 

"He used to bring me presents. Beautiful people. But he stopped. He used to be mine. But her and William took him away. He's gone." Drusilla followed Aurora as she spoke. It was clear to Spike that Drusilla was the one in charge, even though Aurora was the one making all the moves. It had been that way when he was with Dru. She controlled everything he did, yet it always looked like he was controlling her. A part of him missed that control. The demon in him loved Dru. Always would. She was the rarest black beauty. He always wondered what went on in her head. To be that much in control of others takes talent. A part of him would always love her, but that part was so small compared to the part that was in love with Buffy. Maybe Dru was right. Maybe the man in him finally did take away the demon. 

"If you're going to keep us here could you at least tell us why?" Buffy was annoyed. 

"Spike made me the best little doll." Dru said brushing Aurora's hair with her fingers. "So much anger in her. Upset by who she is and what she was. We're going to stop them. All of them. The slayers." 

"Dru you can't stop the slayers. After one dies another one is called." Spike rolled his eyes as he spoke. 

"We can. As long as we stop them from becoming slayers." Aurora stepped away from Drusilla and stared at Buffy. 

"Why is it so important for you to stop the slayers? From what I've heard about you, you haven't exactly tried to end the world in the past fifty years." Buffy asked Aurora. 

"Where'd you hear that luv?" Spike asked amused by the amount Buffy knew about Aurora. 

"Angel." Was all she answered. 

"I don't want to end the world. Just the chosen one." Aurora had hate in her eyes. 

"So why lock me in a cage? Why not just kill me?" Buffy had a point. If they wanted an end to the slayers, why were they keeping Buffy alive? And why was he locked in a cage? 

"Because you're going to help me." Aurora stated matter of factly. 

"Help you kill innocent people. I'm thinking No." Buffy looked at Spike as if to say 'Can you believe what these people are saying'. He did believe Aurora. It was all coming together. They kept her alive because they needed her. And the look on Drusilla's face told Spike that she knew Buffy was going to help them. Buffy was going to be the one to put and end to her kind. She was going to help end the slayer.   


  


Part 11 || Part 13 


	13. "What Am I?"

_"What Am I?"_

  
__

  
__

"What Am I?"   
Part thirteen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


Buffy had stated very clearly that she wasn't going to help Aurora and Drusilla. They didn't listen to her. When Spike had tried to help Buffy convince them that she wasn't going to kill anyone Drusilla poured holy water on him. So he sat quietly knowing how good Drusilla was at torture. But it didn't stop Buffy. She kept right on yelling. "I am not going to kill the slayers! Unlike you I didn't forget who I was when I died!" 

"I didn't forget who I was. It just took dying to figure out what I was." Aurora snapped right back. 

*Stubbornness must be a trait of the slayer.* Spike thought as he watched the two of them banter. 

"It took you dying to figure out that you were evil? You know there's a slayer in jail in LA. She's just your type. Maybe you should give her a call." Buffy tried to pull the bars of her cage open once again. 

"I'm NOT evil!!" Aurora was becoming defensive. 

"No, not you. You're just trying to kill innocent people." Said Buffy. 

"Slayers aren't innocent people. We're different Buffy. Why do you think that I'm not like other vampires? Do you even know what being a slayer means." 

"I think I've gotten the idea. Fight evil blah, blah, blah." 

"Pretty girls and dirty blood. By men in white coats with dreadful accents." Drusilla said as she began laughing again. 

"What are you saying Dru?" Spike asked wondering what it was she knew. 

"You can hurt her. Science doesn't stop it anymore. When they rise." Drusilla walked towards Buffy. "You came back wrong." How Spike wished Dru hadn't have used those words. He looked at Buffy. Tried to comfort her with his eyes. 

"There is *nothing* wrong with me." Buffy stated. 

"Then why don't you know who you are? Such a pretty girl, but the blood is wrong." Drusilla turned away from Buffy. 

"And you do? You know who I am. Then tell me. Who am I?" Buffy's screams rang through the old abandoned church. 

"Buffy don't listen to them, luv. They don't know anything." Spike said trying to get Buffy to calm down. 

"No. They have something to say. I want to hear it. WHO AM I?" 

"You're the slayer." Aurora said. "The perfect human demon hybrid. Except for now that you've come back you're not as human as you were before." 

Spikes heart sank for Buffy. The only thing she ever wanted to be was normal. She even wanted that before she died. But she wasn't. It was unfair. She deserved to have a life. She deserved to be just the pretty girl, without the job, without the death, without the powers. She deserved so much more, but that wasn't who she was.   
  
  


Part 12 || Part 14 


	14. "Blood."

_"Blood."_

  
__

"Blood."   
Part fourteen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


He was furious. Aurora, one of his own. How could she be doing this? Locking them in cages and insisting on telling Buffy everything she didn't want to hear. That she was demon. He paced in his cage, jaw clenched. He had to get them out. He had always thought that there was something more to the slayer. No human was like her. The news didn't shock him. But she was in denial. She wanted a normal life with normal friends (exactly how the Scooby gang fit into the normal category he had yet to figure out). That's what it was always about. She couldn't love him because he was different. He wasn't a man, but she wasn't exactly a woman either now was she. 

It almost looked like she was about to cry. She was empty. Just like the night when she had come back. But it didn't last long. Her face changed. Her eyes became cold. Full of hate. It was a look that he had seen many times in the past. It was a look that she had before she killed. A look that she always used to give to him. However, when she looked at him like that she only half stood behind it, even before the chip. 

"It's boiling. She wants to get out. The cage is too tight. They're coming." Drusilla brushed the hair of her doll as she spoke. 

"You think we should let her out?" Aurora clearly objected. But Drusilla didn't pay her any mind. She dropped her doll to the floor and then proceeded to unlock the cage. The second the cage opened Buffy attacked Aurora. They were a good match for each other. Each throwing punches while the other one blocked. Neither girl had so much as a scratch. Then Aurora showed what she really was. She was stronger when she let the demon out. They all were. Spike began to think that Buffy didn't have a chance. She was thrown against the wall and once she had gotten to her feet Aurora twisted her arm and Spike swore he heard her wrist snap. He screamed at Aurora to stop, but it didn't even seem like she heard him. She just kept beating Buffy. No matter how badly hurt Buffy was it didn't stop her. When she had been knocked down for the fourth time she managed to kick Aurora's feet out from under her and while Aurora was still struggling to get to her feet, Buffy smashed a wooden chair and plunged a piece of it into Auroras chest. It hit Aurora's heart, but nothing. She barley even flinched. 

"OK where is it?" Buffy asked looking at Aurora's hands. 

"Where's what?" Aurora stepped back from Buffy and removed the wooden piece from her chest. 

"The gem. It's in a ring I think. The gem of ambrosia. No that's not right." Buffy continued to ramble names of the gem. 

"She doesn't have the bloody gem." Spike yelled. 

"Well what does she have then? It must be something." Buffy held her fists up in front of her in case Aurora started an attack. 

"Oh. She has something. The blood. Like candy." Drusilla said. 

"What the hell does she keep babbling about? You speak Drusilla. Why don't you translate." Buffy said to Spike. 

"I don't have a clue. Could be anything." He really didn't have a clue. She kept talking about blood, but she talked about blood a lot. 

"My blood. Your blood. Slayer blood." Aurora held her hands up to call a truce. Buffy backed down slowly, but Spike could tell that she was still cautious. 

"What is it with you people. It's always about the blood." Buffy said rather annoyed. 

"It's what keeps us alive, luv." At these words Buffy looked at Spike as if to say 'thanks for pointing that out'. 

"Yes, but slayer blood is different. Ask any vamp." Aurora stated. Spike had told that to Buffy on several occasions in the past. 

"Not exactly news to me." Buffy said. 

"Do you remember when you were 14?" Aurora asked. 

"Yeah. Freshmen in high school. Not exactly a high point in my life." Buffy said as if she didn't quite understand what Aurora was getting at. 

"But the summer before high school when you were in the hospital." Aurora clarified herself. 

"How do you know about that?" Buffy asked. 

"Because it happened to all the slayers." Aurora said. 

"You all ate at Fred's Diner and got food poising? Didn't know that place was so popular." Buffy said rather sarcastically. 

"No the diseases were all different. All made up." 

"Oh I see. They kept me in the hospital for a week because I had a made up disease." Buffy was clearly becoming annoyed with Aurora. Spike couldn't blame her. Aurora talked like she knew everything about every one. 

"Sounds silly don't it. About as silly as receiving a blood transfusion for food poising." 

"They had to. It contaminated my blood." Buffy said, but Spike could tell by the sound of her voice that she did think that it was silly. 

"Really Buffy. Think about it. Did anyone else who ate there spend a week in the hospital?" Aurora asked. 

"No." 

"It was the council. Or the people the council works for, rather. They drained your blood and replaced it with derTöter demon's blood." Aurora said. 

"Great story Aurora, but one major flaw. DerTöter demons have been extinct for years. Some even think they're just a myth." Spike said as he tried once again to break out of his cage. 

"They have several in captivity. The people the council works for. They made you a demon Buffy. We have to stop them. Before someone else ends up like us. What they're doing is wrong." It sounded to Spike that Aurora might be sincere about the whole thing. Maybe she did want to end the slayer to keep others from having to do what they do. To be what they were. But even if Aurora was sincere about it Drusilla wasn't. There was no pure thing about her. And if Aurora was only doing this for the reasons she said Dru would turn on her. 

"You're wrong. I don't have demon blood. They would have noticed it. Doctors. My bloods been tested. And Dawn. They made her out of me. If what you're saying is true she would be a slayer too and she's not." Buffy had a point. 

"It wasn't pure demon blood. The blood they put into you was half demon half human. If you had been given all demon blood you would have turned into the demon." Aurora explained. 

"But that still doesn't explain about Dawn. She would have the same half demon half human blood as me. She would be slayer too." 

"No. Once the demon blood enters the body it is absorbed into your tissues. That's why you heal so quickly and why you're so strong. After the demon blood is absorbed by the tissues it's just human blood. As human as anyone else's blood. But vampires can taste what it was." Aurora said. 

"And how do you know all this? Never heard any of it before. Surely Buffy's stuffy watcher would have mentioned the little part about her being demon." Spike was becoming more aggravated. 

"The watchers don't know. No one knows. I had 50 years to wonder about why I was different. I had 50 years to watch the other slayers. I didn't know what I was until after I died. Until after it was too late. Now, Buffy, you have to help me stop them. They can't do this to anyone else. It's not fair." Aurora was pleading. 

"No. I don't believe you. Giles would have known. He would have told me. And if I have to kill you to stop you I will." Buffy raised her fists again ready to attack. 

"And how do you plan on doing that?" Spike didn't like the tone in Aurora's voice. He ran towards the bars of his cage and they gave as he hit. 

Buffy looked at him then at Aurora "I think we'll find a way." At that Spike went after Aurora. He didn't last long. Aurora threw him across the room. Buffy was right behind him and she managed to hit Aurora across the face, but soon Buffy joined him when Aurora threw her across the room as well. 

"Still think you have what it takes to kill me?" Aurora said as she stood in front of the two fallen heroes. Buffy started to rise to her feet as Aurora grabbed Spike by the throat. She pushed Spike against the wall holding him there. "To kill me you're going to have to kill your demon lover. Do you have that in you? Can you end his life? End your happiness. Just to stop me?" Drusilla was laughing at Aurora's words. Spike knew that Buffy had sacrificed Angel to save the world, but he wasn't worried about Buffy sacrificing him. He was more than Angel. He was her reason.   


Part 13 || Part 15 


	15. "Immortal."

_"Immortal."_

  
__ __

"Immortal."   
Part fifteen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would I have to kill Spike to kill you?" Buffy stood looking into Spikes eyes. He knew she wouldn't kill him, but he could also tell that she was mad at herself because she couldn't. It felt like she wanted him around, but felt ashamed that she did. That she knew that she should kill him. 

"He's my life line now. He brought me back." Aurora stated as she tightened the grip she had around Spikes neck. 

"So you're telling me that the only way to kill you is to kill him. You're immortal unless he dies." Buffy said. 

"No one's immortal, but you can't kill us. You and I are different." 

"Would you stop comparing us? I'm not like you!" Buffy screamed as she ran towards Aurora. Buffy grabbed Aurora and threw her across the room. 

"Thanks Slayer." Spike said as he was released. Buffy didn't say anything she just kept on concentrating on Aurora. 

"You are like me! You were brought back. Vampire or not we're the same." Aurora said between Buffy's punches. 

"No." was all Buffy said. 

"Yes we are. We're both the slayer. When we were brought back it became more powerful. The slayer overpowers the vampire in me and it overpowers the human in you. It's not something that you can change. It's who we are. And it's going to be who we are until we die." Aurora managed to get up off the ground as she spoke. 

"And the only way you die is if Spike dies." Buffy said. 

"Yes and the only way for you to die is if Willow dies." Aurora said rather quickly as if she was afraid that she wouldn't be able to get it out before Buffy hit her again. 

"Come on Buffy. Lets just go." Spike said as he tried to pull her towards the door.   
"No. We're not going to leave. They are." Spike could tell by Buffy's tone that she meant it. 

"And why would we leave?" Aurora asked. 

"Because I may not be able to kill you, but hey if what you're saying is true you can't kill me either. And I just happen to be friends with some very powerful witches and a thousand year old vengeance demon. So you take your pick." 

"It's all wrong. Wrong." Dursilla said as she took Aurora's arm and led her towards the back of the church. 

"This isn't over." Aurora screamed as they left. 

When Dru and Aurora were finally out of sight Spike congratulated Buffy. "Well Done." 

"I guess, but I don't think that they're gone. It was too easy." Buffy said as she picked up some of her stuff. 

"Maybe not, but they're gone for now. Maybe we should celebrate. Go back to my place." Spike said as he moved closer to her. 

"I'm really not in the mood. I just want to be alone." Buffy said as she walked out. Spike stood there. Watching her leave.   
  
  


Part 14 || Part 16 


	16. "Back."

_"Back."_

  
__ __

"Back."   
Part sixteen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


He sat there in the church, thinking. As much as he hated the fact that Aurora and Drusilla were in town he was glad that Aurora told Buffy what she did. Buffy needed to know what happened to her when she came back. Spike was still a little confused about the DerTöter demon. It made sense though. The soul purpose of a DerTöter demon was to kill. He supposed that having the DerTöter powers along with a human soul was what made the slayer feel it was her duty to rid the world of the demons. It didn't really matter. She was still the same. Still Buffy. But he knew that it all mattered to her. 

"She's gone." Spike heard a voice say from behind him. 

"Thought you had gone too." Spike said as he turned to face Drusilla. He wasn't in the mood for her. 

"Come with me Spike. Don't let her ruin you." Dru said. 

"In case you didn't get it the last time you were here. I bloody love her. I'm not leaving her for you or for anyone else for that matter so if that's what you came for you should just go." Spike turned away from her. 

"She doesn't love you." Dru stated. Spike didn't say anything back he knew that Buffy didn't love him. Or if she did she wouldn't admit it. So Dru continued on. "We could be a family again." 

"Why don't you just give that up? It's not going to happen. Peaches has a soul, Darla sacrificed herself for a bloody baby, and me… I'm in love with the slayer. You're the only one left." Spike walked towards the door. 

"I'm never the only one. I have Aurora. And I'll have you. It will all be back to the way it was. You'll see." Dru said as Spike walked out the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Spike found himself heading to the Magic Box. He figured that when Buffy was done being alone that's where she would end up. When he opened the door and stepped inside, but no one noticed him. They were all standing close together saying things like "Oh how adorable." He walked closer to them and then he saw what they were all gawking at. Cordelia stood in the middle of the group holding a baby. 

"Oh wook at his ittle widdle hands." Xander said. 

"You know people can hear you Harris." Spike said laughing under his breath. 

"Oh right." Xander replied stepping back from the baby. 

"This must mean Angels come to save the day." Spike said referring to the fact that Cordelia was there. 

"He just thought he could help." Cordelia said. 

"So this must be Angels little prophecy child. Huh?" Spike asked. 

"Yep this is Connor." Cordelia stated. 

"Connor?!? What the hell kind of name is that. No brother of mine…" Spike was cut off by Cordelia. 

"Brother?? Where do you get that from?" 

"Well yeah. He's Darla's isn't he?" Spike asked. 

"Yeah. But how does that make him your brother. Wouldn't he be more like an uncle or something?" Cordy asked. 

"Can't be. He's too small. No brother works better." Spike said. 

"No wonder I can't ever figure out a vampires family tree. They just kind of make it up as they go along." Xander said. 

"So can I hold him?" Spike asked. 

"NO." Cordy yelled. 

"Oh come on now. I won't teach him anything bad….. Yet." Spike said. 

Cordelia gave him a dirty look and handed the baby off to Willow. Willow only had Connor for about 5 seconds before Anya said. "Let Xander hold the baby." 

"I think Willow's doing just fine An." Xander said. 

"Yes, but you need the practice. How are we ever supposed to have children if you don't ever get to even hold a baby." Anya stated. 

"You don't exactly hold babies all that often either." Xander said. 

"No, but I know how. I'm a woman. It's what we do." Anya replied. 

"So how soon exactly did you plan on having children?" Xander asked. 

"As soon as possible. We're not going to live forever you know. If Buffy hadn't have gotten kidnapped we would be married right now. And on our honeymoon. I figured we would have tried to start a family then." Anya said. 

Spike saw fear in Xander's eyes. "Looks like your bride has your whole life planned out for you Harris." 

"Shut up Spike." Xander said. 

"Right then. Any of you seen Buffy yet." Spike asked. 

"She's in the training room." Willow said as she was trying to get Connors hand untangled from her hair. 

Spike walked across the Magic Box to the training room in the back. He opened the door and walked in. Buffy's back was to his, her head was resting on Angels chest. Angels hands were on her back. Embracing her. Angels hands moved from her back to her face. Then Angel leaned in and kissed Buffy. Spike couldn't watch anymore. He turned around and walked past everyone still gawking at Connor. "Where are you going Spike?" Dawn asked, but Spike didn't answer. He just stormed out the door. Slamming it behind him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Spike walked down the street with visions of what he had just seen running through his mind. How could she do this? Why did she do this? It was always about Angel. Why did he think that she had forgotten him? Why did he think that she would choose him over Angel? Why was he so bloody stupid? 

He was back at the church where they had been held. He lifted one of the pews up and threw it towards the alter. Then he began yelling to himself, to no one. "Can't love Spike he's a demon. But not Angel. Angels good. Angels got a soul. Yeah well fuck the soul. I could have given her everything. Do you hear me everything. But it's never good enough. It'll never be good enough for her." He ripped a cross off the wall and threw it threw a window. As the glass shattered Drusilla entered the room. 

"I knew you'd come back." She said reaching for his hand. 

"You know what. I think I just did." Spike said his face vamping out. Aurora entered the room and Spike put his arms around the two girls and they walked out of the church.   


Part 15 || Part 17 


	17. "Love And The Soul."

_"Love And The Soul."_

  
__ __

"Love And The Soul."   
Part seventeen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
  


It was all rushing back to him. All the feelings that he once had. All the feelings that she had made disappear. And now she was the one who made them all come back. He found himself complaining to Drusilla. "She thinks she can just use me. That I will settle for being second best. Well I tell you one thing. I WON'T. She's going to be sorry for what she does. Gonna figure out that I'm not just her little lap dog." 

"It's a powerful thing. Love. Makes the world so much clearer." Drusilla said. 

"It bloody well does not. It pulls a sheet over your eyes. And you know why. Because of you women. It's all your fault. You think I would be like this without you? I damn well wouldn't. I'd be free to be my own man." Spike was coming to a revelation as he spoke. 

"You're your own man now. Tall and strong again. Free of her. We could stop them. All of them. Pretty girls with dirty blood. It could be over." Dru was half singing as she spoke. 

"Yeah we could do that." Spike said as he hit Drusilla over the head with a metal bar that he had hidden in the sleeve of his duster. "Or we could just go with my plan." He said as she hit the ground. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

He had taken Drusilla to his crypt and put her body in the coffin in the center of his upper level. He then placed several cement blocks on the top of it to ensure that she wouldn't be able to get out. Then he left in search of Aurora. 

It took a while, but he finally found her. She was at a bar. He walked over to her much like the night he turned her. He told her she was beautiful and touched her hand ever so slightly. She followed him back to his crypt and he drugged her. When she was so delusional that she made Drusilla sound sane he tied her to the handle of the coffin that Dru laid in. "I'll show them. Show them all how much old Spike has changed." He said just before leaving. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

He couldn't finish what he started. He needed time. Needed to get up the courage. He found himself at the bronze. It was strange being there. Surrounded by disgustingly cheery teenagers. He remembered the first time he saw her. Here in the bronze. She was one of those disgustingly cheery teenagers. *Maybe that's why I always wanted to kill her.* he thought. He ordered some Jack Daniels and as the bartender was pouring him a shot Spike grabbed the whole bottle from his hands. 

"Hey!" that bartender protested, but Spike just threw some money at him and walked off to find a table. He was going to drink until he forgot what he saw. He was going to drink until he couldn't remember his own name. *No scratch that. I'm going to drink until I can't remember her name.* he thought. 

As the bottle became empty the people around him became more than just his surroundings. They became his form of venting. He saw happy couples and proceeded to tell them that it was all going to end. That they were nothing. That there was nothing that would ever make them happy. It made him feel better. To be able to make these people second guess their relationships. To make them look into it more than they should. To take all of their fantasies that they had and pull them out from under them. He ordered another bottle of something. And sat drinking. 

"What's the matter Spike. Got something you're trying to forget?" A familiar voice taunted from behind him. 

"What do you want Harris?" he asked just wanting him to go away. 

"Nothing from you that's for sure." Xander said taking a seat next to the slightly drunk vampire. 

"Then why don't you just leave? Surely there's a big hole in a Scooby meeting without you. Can't get anything done without the guy who makes the donut runs." 

"I'll have you know that donuts are a critical part of the thinking process." Xander said. 

"Yeah right." Spike replied. 

"Besides there's no meeting." 

"So why don't you just go home then. We're not exactly chums." 

"If I go home Anya just might have the urge to take some vengeance on me." Xander replied. 

"Trouble with the soon to be Mrs. Huh? Well I guess we're kind of in the same boat." Spike said as he managed to get a couple of shot glasses. He poured a drink for Xander and then for himself. It was strange. As much as he tormented and 'hated' Xander he really was his only male friend. 

"You have girl trouble. I didn't even know you were seeing anyone." Xander said as he drank the shot that Spike just poured for him. 

"Right. So what you in trouble for? Did you forget to do the laundry?" Spike said trying to make Xander forget what he had just said. 

"No Anya and I just had a little discussion about having children. She seems to think that I'm too immature about the whole thing. I tried to tell her that's why we shouldn't have children for at least another 10 years and she said something about being old and wrinkly and not being around to see her kids graduate and then she kinda threw me out." 

"How tragic." Spike said sarcastically as he drank the rest of what was in the bottle and ordered more. 

They talked about nothing really. The more Xander drank the more slurred his speech became. Or maybe it was just that Spike was so drunk that he thought Xander's speech was slurred. He talked about Anya. About how she used to be a demon. About how he was kind of glad the wedding never got to happen. And other points of their relationship that Spike could have really cared less about. Then Spike had to know. He knew he shouldn't ask but the alcohol had long ago disrupted his clear thinking. 

"Does Buffy ever talk about me?" he asked. 

"What?" Xander asked. 

"Nothing. Forget it." 

"No. You still think you have a chance with her don't you? Give it up Spike. It's never gonna happen." Xander's words grew louder as he spoke. 

"She's done a real good job at convincing you lot of that hasn't she. Tells you 'ol Spike here means nothing." 

"That's because you don't Spike. You're not a Scooby, you're not her friend, and you're not her enemy. All you are is a sick pathetic stalker." There was a protectiveness to Xander's voice. 

"If that's all I am then why did she come to me? When you brought her back she turned to me. Told me about her trip to heaven. Told me everything she couldn't tell to her friends." Spike was defensive. 

"She was confused. But hey I think she's come to her senses. She's got us back now. You might as well just leave." Xander said. 

"If she's 'come to her senses' why does she still end up in my bed!" Spike yelled and he could see the shock in Xanders face. "That's right Harris. You even caught us once. Came to my crypt looking for an invisible Buffy. Caught me doing my 'exercises'. Your perfect little Buffy in the bed of a demon. Guess that's not so new considering Angel." 

"Angel is twice the man you are Spike. He's got a soul." Xander said clearly trying to remain calm, but Spike could tell it bothered him that Buffy had been with him. 

"Angel and his BLOODY SOUL!! It always goes back to that doesn't it? I can't love Buffy and she can't love me because I don't have a soul. Did you ever wonder about your lovely bride to be? Do you honestly think that she has a soul?? She was a demon way longer than I was and she's not exactly feeling guilty for the things that she did. If there's a soul in her I'd like to see you prove it." Spike yelled. 

"That's it! Shut up about Anya! She loves me and she HAS a soul." Xander said. 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." 

"You know I don't know why we put up with you, but I'm sure after I tell Buffy the things you said about her tonight she'd be happy to introduce you to the end of Mr. Pointy." 

"You go right ahead and tell Buffy what I said. Watch her turn a bright shade of red. Cause it's true. Every word of it." Spike said. 

"Whatever Spike." Xander said standing up from the table. 

"And for the record I do love that woman. Soul or not I love her." Spike yelled at a leaving Xander right before he threw the bottle in his hand against the wall.   
  
  


Part 16 || Part 18 


	18. "Anger."

_"Anger."_

  
  


"Anger."   
Part eighteen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


After Xander left the Bronze security threw Spike out. Said he was too rowdy for their likings. He didn't think he was that bad. He could still remember the reason why he had started drinking and in his book that meant he hadn't gotten drunk enough. But it didn't matter he was going to fix it. He was going to take all of his problems and get rid of them. He was going to prove to the world that he was his own man. That he made his own decisions. 

As he walked down the street he realized he didn't know where he was going. He couldn't go back to his crypt because Aurora and Drusilla were there. And if he knew them, well actually he didn't really know the Aurora chit but he knew Dru, they were going to be pissed. Not something he wanted to deal with at the moment. He decided to go to downtown Sunnydale. People watch. Maybe find something amusing to do. 

Spike passed the Magic Box and noticed the lights were on inside. He wanted to stop. See how everyone was doing. Figure out why they were still there when it was well past closing hours, but then he remembered what happened the last time he was there. Buffy with Angel once again. So he just walked past. 

There was a rock on the street and he kicked it. Then he walked up to the rock and kicked it again. And again. And again. Then he kicked it harder than he had before. It lifted off the ground and smashed through a window of a car. The glass shattered and everyone who was out on the streets turned and stared at him. "What?" he yelled and all of the stares left him. 

"You know I'm really starting to think that you need anger management classes." A voice said jokingly. 

*Oh great.* he thought right before speaking. "Nibblet just go home." His tone was stern and annoyed. 

"What's wrong with you?" Dawn asked. 

"JUST GO HOME!" he screamed. 

"Are you drunk?" she asked. 

"Not nearly enough." He replied. 

"Why don't you come home with me? You're going to get yourself into trouble with the cops or something if you continue this drunken rampage. Besides Buffy's probably wondering where I am and she'd be glad to know you walked me home since it's dark and all." 

"Your sister wouldn't be glad about anything I do." He said. 

"Completely not true. She told me once that she was really grateful that you helped look after me when she was gone. Spike she trusts you. She needs you." Dawn said. 

"No she doesn't. And it doesn't make any difference. She could fall off the planet as far as I'm concerned." 

"That is the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. Your whole existence revolves around my sister. And I thought you guys were finally kinda a couple." She sat down on a bench and for some reason Spike sat beside her. 

"We'll never be a couple. And where did you get that idea?" he asked. 

"Well she's always gone and really touchy about talking about where she's been. And then if any of us bring up you she kinda turns all red and looks guilty. I guess I just kind of figured you guys were having sex." Dawn said coolly. 

"Even if it were true, and I'm not saying that it is, we could never be a couple." He said getting more aggravated by there conversation. He wanted to forget Buffy. He didn't want to be sitting here talking to her little sister, but for some reason he couldn't leave. 

"Sure you could. She's dated way stranger people than you. Before we moved to Sunnydale there was this guy in a band. Complete weirdo. I mean he had things pierced that I didn't even think were possible to pierce. He didn't treat her very good either. At least I know you would treat her good." 

"It doesn't matter how good I could treat her." He said. 

"Why? Does this have anything to do with you being a vampire? Because, please. She was already with Angel. And he was way stranger than you too. All tall and brooding. Did I ever tell you he kind of gave me the wiggins?" 

"SHUT UP DAWN!" Spike yelled. He couldn't listen to her anymore. 

"What?? I'm just giving facts. It's not as if you didn't know about Angel already." She stated. 

"Come on we're going to go." Spike said standing from the bench and grabbing Dawn's arm pulling her to her feet. As he continued to walk she started to protest. 

"Hey stop it. You're hurting my arm." He knew he was hurting her, because he was getting a little headache. Nothing major. Just a little one to let him know he was doing something wrong, but he ignored it. He was going to wait, but he couldn't. He needed to do this now. He walked pulling Dawn behind him all the way to his crypt. When he opened the door he threw her inside. As she hit the ground he felt sorry, but only for a moment. He couldn't let them get to him anymore. He couldn't be ruled by all these women. He picked Dawn up off the ground placed her in a chair and tied her to it. "Why are you doing this?" She asked almost sobbing. 

"Because I have to." 

"No you don't. Untie me. Please. I won't mention Angel again I promise." She pleaded. 

He pulled a syringe filled with enough drugs to keep Dawn sleeping for a couple of hours. As he stuck the needle into her arm he said "It's not always about Angel, Nibblet."   
  
  


Part 17 || Part 19 


	19. "The Dream."

_"The Dream."_

  
__ __

"The Dream."   
Part nineteen of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He started to get second thoughts. The look of disappointment in Dawn's eyes as he drugged her had gotten to him. She trusted him, even if her sister didn't. She was the one person who didn't treat him like some sort of freak. They never gave her enough credit. She was wise beyond her years. The whole Scooby gang could learn a lot of things from her. But he decided that it didn't matter. He needed to do this for himself. He needed the freedom. He needed to have the upper hand. 

He could hear Drusilla's screams from inside the coffin he had her trapped in. He looked at Aurora who was still unconscious. Then he took one last look at Dawn who sat there helpless. Then he went downstairs and continued to drink. With each bottle he finished Spike thought that he became more insightful. He babbled to himself mostly about Buffy and why she couldn't accept him. He had looked at every possible reason. He was evil. She was scared. Or maybe it was just because she didn't actually want to be happy. 

"I think I've finally got it now. It's the whole bleedin' superhero complex." He said rather impressed that he had come up with it. And then he hit the floor and was thrown into a fitful sleep. Thoughts bounced off one another in his head. Spinning making him dizzy. Everything's blurry. The dark unfocused visions of his mind fade into one. Coming through clearly with sound. 

"She's a special one. For you. Go to her." He was seated across a table from Drusilla. They were in a pub. One that he remembered. He was back in the 1950's. He could tell because of the conversations about baseball the men next to him were having. It was a classy pub. The women all wore dresses and the men all in suits. And there he sat in his faded black pants, black t-shirt, and the leather duster he didn't acquire until 1977. 

"Go to her." Dru said again and he turned to look in the direction her empty eyes were staring in. There she sat. The biggest mistake he ever made. Then suddenly he was no longer sitting in the pub, but in the alleyway behind it. Aurora was standing there moving her hair away from her neck. Exposing her flesh. He walked closer to her. Her eyes drawing him in. He knew she wanted it. He was replaying that night. Everything was the same. He stopped in front of her and she spoke. 

"I'm not afraid. I know who you are. What you are. Don't you want me? Take me." It was Aurora standing in front of him, but her voice was Buffy's. He felt his game face come out and he tried to fight it, but didn't succeed. Aurora placed her hands around his head and forced him to her neck. He unwillingly sunk into her. Everything happened exactly the same. From the way she wanted him to the way she tasted. He felt her life begin to slip out of her and at that moment he didn't want her to go away. He slit his wrist and brought his blood to her mouth while he continued to drain her at the neck. When her life was fully gone he released his fangs from her neck. He felt her suck at the blood from his wrist. It was enough. She would be turned. He pushed her down to the ground and as she hit the cold dirty cement she turned into Buffy. She lay there motionless. Empty. Dead. 

Fear filled him. He turned and looked for help. He tried to yell, but nothing. Then the alley was gone and he was in his crypt. In his bed. Naked. Tied to the bedposts unable to move. Buffy was there. She licked up his chest from his bellybutton to his neck. Then she lifted herself off him and looked into his eyes. "You're killing me." She said before fading into Aurora. 

"It's your fault." Aurora said. And then he was gone. His surroundings turned into the Magic Box. Cordelia stood in the center of the room with the baby. It was dark and no one was there, yet they were having the same conversation they had the day when everyone was gawking at Connor. 

"Connor?!? What the hell kind of name is that. No brother of mine…" Spike was cut off by Cordelia. 

"Brother?? Where do you get that from?" Cordelia said and then the baby fell out of her hands. He tried to catch it but missed. Connor landed on his head. His neck snapped. And then they were gone. It was day. The light was shining into the Magic Box and he wasn't bursting into flames. A little boy was running and laughing. The boy stopped right in front of him and screamed. 

"MOMMY" 

And then she appeared behind the boy. "What's the matter Connor?" Buffy asked. 

"It's the one who killed us." The boy said. 

"I didn't kill you." Spike said, but they didn't listen. The boy was gone and Angel appeared by Buffy's side. Buffy had a baby in her hands. 

"We're a family now. Angel gave me everything. My monster, my man, my son." Buffy said clutching the baby. Blood dripped from her neck onto the blanket the baby was wrapped in. Spike could taste her blood in his mouth. Then he noticed blood was smeared across her face and his wrist was bleeding. 

Then he was back in the alleyway of the pub. Buffy's body lay motionless on the cement. Her eyes opened. They were glowing yellow and she reached to her mouth and examined her new fangs. She started to walk to him. 

"SPIKE!" She screamed. "SPIKE!" She screamed again. Then the scream became louder. "SPIKE!" He was pulled back into reality. His eyes shot open. It was Dawn screaming. 

He reached the upper level of his crypt within seconds. From the intensity of her screams he had thought that Dru or Aurora had gotten loose and were attacking her, but that wasn't the case. Dru was still very much in the coffin and Aurora still unconscious. Then Dawn spoke. "Finally. I've only been screaming your name for like five minutes." 

"What's wrong?" He asked. 

"Nothings wrong. I just thought that if you were going to hold me hostage the least you could do was keep me company." She said. 

"You're not mad." 

"Don't get me wrong. I'm not exactly forgiving you for dragging me and drugging me. I would have been your bait if you would have just asked." Dawn said. 

"My bait?" he asked. 

"Yeah. That is what I am aren't I? You're trying to use me to lure Buffy here. Not the first time it's happened to me." 

"Ok. Sorry. The next time I want to use you as bait I'll ask you first." 

"That's all I ask. So do you mind telling me why you need me as bait?" she asked. 

"I'm not going to hurt you 'lil bit. That's all you need to know." 

"Well could you at least untie me for awhile? My hands are killing me." 

"NO. Buffy's gonna be coming any minute. And you're going to play the terrified little hostage." He said turning to go back down stairs. The images of his dream still haunting his thoughts.   


Part 18 || Part 20 


	20. "Luck."

_"Luck."_

__

"Luck."   
Part twenty of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He grabbed a beer for himself and a soda for Dawn. He pulled up a chair and took a swig of his beer as he sat down. 

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink in the past couple of hours?" Dawn asked. 

He ignored her question. "I've got a Jones Soda for you. Fufu Berry." 

"Is that the stuff with the cute little pictures on the label and the fortune on the cap?" she asked. 

"Yeah. This one has a picture of a headstone. I thought it was fitting." He turned the bottle so she could see it. "What the hell is a Fufu Berry anyways?" 

"I'm not really sure. Kinda tastes like a Jolly Rancher." Dawn answered. 

"And you people drink this stuff?" He said opening the bottle and flipping over the cap. "Your friends will show their true colors today." He read. "How lucky for you, bit." 

"It's not my fortune. You opened it." She said. 

"Well then I think they need to get someone else to write their fortunes. I don't have any friends." He said with a laugh. 

"Sure you do. You've got me." 

"That's real great. I've been around for over a century and I have managed to accumulate one friend." He said and then realized that Dawn could take that the wrong way. "Not that I'm not glad to have you as a friend. It's just rather pathetic don't you think." 

"I'm not your only friend. What about Buffy?" 

"Buffy and I aren't friends. We're mortal enemies." 

"Yeah, but that was before. She doesn't look at you like that anymore and neither does anyone else in the gang." 

"That's real nice, but it doesn't change anything." He said wanting Dawn to just drop it. 

"What do you mean it doesn't change anything?" 

"I mean there's nothing there. I'm never going to be what Buffy wants me to be." 

"Nobody can ever be what Buffy wants them to be. I don't even think Buffy can be what Buffy wants Buffy to be. No wait that didn't make any sense." 

That's when the thing Spike had been waiting for happened. Buffy pushed the door of his crypt open and started yelling. "Spike. Dawns gone we have to go…. Dawn's right here." 

Spike stood throwing the bottle of Jones Soda that Dawn never got to drink against the wall. "That's right." He said. 

"What's going on? Dawn you can't keep doing this. You need to tell us when you're going to come and see Spike. We were worried about you." 

"I didn't come here. Spike dragged me. I think he drugged me too. And maybe other things I don't remember." Spike knew that Dawn was doing her best at being the frightened little hostage, but she wasn't one of the worlds best actresses. 

"Spike drugged you?" Buffy said laughing. "You know I needed something to brighten my day." 

"Glad you find it so amusing." He said stepping behind Dawn and grabbing her by the neck. "Cause I can make it a whole lot funnier if I just snap her neck." 

"Oh please. You can't touch her." Buffy said still laughing. 

"I think your plan isn't going to work." Dawn said. 

"DAWN!" He yelled. 

"What plan?" Buffy asked. 

"He wouldn't tell me. Just asked me to be the hostage. Well actually he didn't ask. He really did drug me and drag me, but I got over it and said I would help." 

"You drugged her!!" Buffy yelled. 

"Buffy it isn't a big deal. I know Spike wouldn't hurt me. Sure he could have gone about the whole thing better. I mean he could have just asked instead of using the drugs. And the ropes on my hands could be a little bit looser, there starting to get numb. And….." 

"I think you've helped enough bit." Spike said. 

"What the hell is wrong with you? You can not use people in your sick little plans!" Buffy screamed and then punched him in the face. Spike hit her back and she flew across the room. 

"Spike are you OK??" Dawn asked. 

"I'm fine." He said as Buffy managed to kick his feet out form under him. 

As they continued to fight on the ground Dawn spoke. "But your chip?" 

Spike and Buffy were once again on their feet. "What Buffy didn't tell you? She came back wrong. Little bit more demon then she was. Don't worry though. She can't die. Well not unless Willow dies." Buffy hit him harder for that one. They were quite the match for each other. It seemed like the only things breaking down from their fighting was the objects surrounding them, which were all becoming broken. Objects were thrown, bodies were bruised, and Dawn continued screeching. Then Spike did what he intended. He grabbed Buffy's arm and placed handcuffs around her right wrist. 

"What the hell!" Buffy said as she raised her arm to see that she had just been handcuffed to Spike. 

"Thanks Dawn." Spike said going over to her and untying her. 

"Get these things off of me!" Buffy yelled trying to pull the handcuffs off. 

"You're free to go. Your sister on the other hand is going to stay and listen to me for a change." Spike said to Dawn while Buffy was still trying to pull the handcuffs off. She had given up on trying to pull them off her own wrist and was pulling at his. 

"Good luck." Dawn said as she left. 

"Thanks. I have a feeling I'm going to need it." Spike said. And then Dawn was gone. All that was left was him, a rather pissed off Buffy, Aurora, and Drusilla. He was alone with all the things that caused him so many problems. And this time they weren't going to be able to leave. He was going to put an end to it all. They were going to understand.   


Part 19 || Part 21 


	21. "The Man."

_"The Man."_

  
__ __

"The Man."   
Part twenty-one of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He had done it. He finally had Buffy in a position where she couldn't leave. Where she had to listen to him. And although he knew that she was his at that moment she wasn't ready to give in. She continued to pull at the handcuffs trying to remove them. And he just stood there. Not moving. His wrist that was connected to hers hung at his side making her bend slightly to try to remove the metal that bonded them together. 

"Ok I give. Just tell me what you want and take these damn things off me." Buffy said. 

"It's not that easy luv. The second I take these off you you're going to leave. Cause that's what you always do. We argue, you leave. We shag, you leave. We actually begin to have somewhat of a conversation, and you leave." He said. 

"I don't always leave." She snipped back. 

"Yes you bloody well do. The last time I even saw you you said you just needed to be alone and left. No explanation or anything." 

"Ok how can you even throw that in my face? I just learned that I'm not as human as I was and that I won't die unless Willow dies. Kind of a lot of information there. I needed to sort it out. Alone." 

"Right. You needed to be alone. That's why you were jumping on Angel the second he came into town." The tension was building between them and part of him wanted to hit her while the other wanted to shag her. 

"I was not jumping on Angel." She was defensive. 

"No. The two of you were just in the training room kissing to what make sure you wouldn't forget how." 

"What are you talking about?" she yelled with a sound of shock in her voice. 

"Oh come on Slayer. I saw you. All comfy cozy in the back room with Mr. Nancy Boy himself." 

"You saw that?" She asked completely shocked and then began to explain. "It was nothing. One kiss. I was upset. I completely lost it. Angel was there. He took it too far. I told him that there was nothing for us anymore. I told him that there was someone else." 

"Doesn't matter what you told him, because you didn't tell him it was me did you?" He looked in her eyes and knew his answer. "Didn't think so. You can tell me as much as you want how you need me. How I make you feel again. You can even tell me that I'm the one for you. But there's always going to be something missing. Because I know you're not going to tell your friends about us. You're never going to tell anyone about us. Because I'm the monster that you hide away in your closet." 

"I can't hide it anymore even if I wanted to. You made sure of that. What were you thinking telling Xander?" She yelled. 

"See all you're worried about is keeping it from your friends. Well don't worry. Xander didn't believe me for a second. He's got you up on some pedestal where you can't do any wrong." 

"So you think that this is wrong. That what is going on between us is wrong. Because I don't anymore. I tried to twist it any way that I could to make it wrong and I can't. This is the only thing in my life that makes sense. It's the only thing keeping me here. And I don't know why. You're supposed to be the one I hate. Yet, for some reason, you're the only one I can stand to be around half of the time. Angel coming here made me realize that. I compared everyone to him. He was the first person I actually loved. And he's why I couldn't love Riley. Because Riley could never be Angel." 

"That's real touching, but I don't really care why you couldn't love Capitan Cardboard. And I don't give a bloody damn about Angel. So please just cut the little heart to heart." He didn't know why he said that. She was finally admitting that there was something for them, but there was a part of him that needed to win. He needed to fight with her and there was a part of her that needed to fight with him. 

"No. Because I realized something today. When Angel kissed me. When he touched me and comforted me. All I could think about was how he wasn't you. The one person I compared everyone who tried to love me to I compared to you. I wanted him to be you." 

"It doesn't make it any less wrong Buffy. And no matter what realizations you might have come to in your head you still want to hide it away. You don't want your little friends to know about us. You want your monster on the side. In the dark. And that's never going to change." He looked at her and she didn't say anything so he continued. "I can't do it anymore Buffy. I can't be the one you hide away. Because that's all I've ever been. You women treat me like dirt. You, Dru, Cecily. All of you." 

"You're just mad because you don't wear the pants in the relationship. I'm independent and you don't want that." It was almost like she was trying to change the subject. 

"Yeah you wear the pants alright. They're tight and they're pink and I'll do anything you say. But that doesn't matter. It's never going to matter because we don't have a relationship. We have a 'convenience'. Isn't that what you called it? It will never be anything more. And I don't know if I want it to be." At those words Buffy looked hurt. He had never seen her like that. They had fought and he had said some pretty awful things in the past, but never had she looked so hurt by his words. 

"I can do this Spike. I can tell everyone. I can try harder. I can be whatever you need me to be. But I can't do anything without you. I need you." He knew that she meant it. He could tell by the tone in her voice and the way her eyes seemed to look right threw him. 

"Do you know what you do to me Buffy? What all you women I choose to love do to me? You turn me into the one thing that I never want to be again. You turn me into William. You turn me into the pathetic man that I was when I was alive. When I was turned I realized that I could be something else. I could be someone else. And Dru showed me how to be evil. She made me into the monster that I was. I did it all for her. Every person I killed I killed for her. To make her proud of me. To make her love me. And then she was gone and I realized that I didn't know who I was. So I stuck to the thing I had been good at. I stuck to killing. And then the bloody chip had to take away the one thing that I was good at. And then you. When I couldn't devote my time to trying to kill you anymore I realized that was never what I wanted to do anyways. I loved you Buffy. From the first time I saw you." He looked at her and she spoke. 

"What are you saying?" she asked. 

"I'm saying that you make me the man that I don't ever want to be again." 

"What's wrong with that man?" 

"Everything's wrong with him. He's a nobody. He's the person that everyone turns into a joke. He's pathetic." He couldn't look at her anymore. He turned away only to leave them in an awkward position with his hand behind his back still connected to hers with the handcuffs. 

"You're not pathetic. And I don't know what you were like when you were alive, but I know one thing. You're the man I love. You. The man."   


Part 20 || Part 22 


	22. "The Demon."

_"The Demon."_

  
__ __

"The Demon."   
Part twenty-two of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


She said it. She actually admitted that she loved him. He never thought that he would hear those words from her. Never. He turned to her and captured her mouth in a kiss. As they kissed he remembered that Dru was trapped in the coffin and that Aurora could wake up at any second. Everything that he had planned on doing left his mind. He just concentrated on Buffy. On the way she felt. On the way she tasted. On the way she chose him. Then his thoughts became patterned. They became rhythmic, flowing. His thoughts became poems. *The softness of her touch. The poison of her voice. The devouring of her words. The passion of her heart rises above all else. She's mine. I claim her. My Buffy. My fluffy Buffy.* at that thought he broke their kiss and started yelling. "Fluffy Buffy. Bloody hell." 

"No. No bloody hell. More kissing." She said and then realized what he said. "Fluffy Buffy??" she asked. 

"Well nothing rhymes with Buffy. You've got a stupid name." 

"My name is not stupid. My mother gave me my name. And why would you need something to rhyme with my name?" She asked looking incredibly sexy. 

"What? Nothing. I don't. Forget I said anything." He said hoping that she would just drop it. 

"Forget that you just called me fluffy Buffy? I don't think so. Come on you have to tell me why." Her voice was almost whiney. Much like Dawn sounded. 

"I do not." He protested. 

"I promise not to laugh." 

"What makes you think that I'm afraid you're going to laugh?" he asked looking down towards the ground. 

"Think about that for a minute." She said. 

He was afraid that she was going to laugh. That's what they all did. "Just forget it. It was me being the man that you make me. The man that I was before I was turned. The man that I don't want to ever be again." 

"What was so wrong with that man??" she asked. 

"I told you already slayer. He was a nobody. He was the one everyone made fun of. The stupid poet who wore his heart out on his sleeve." 

"Were you writing a poem just now? Is that why you needed something to rhyme with my name?" she asked and Spike detected a little excitement in her voice. 

"No." he said lying. 

"Yes you were." She said even more excited. "Do you write them a lot?" 

"No. Buffy just let it go." 

"Can I hear it?" she asked. 

"NO." he yelled back. 

"Please. No one's ever written anything for me before." 

"I'm not a poet. I never was. I was pathetic. And you know what the worst part is I never knew it. The whole time I was alive I didn't know how incredibly pathetic I really was." 

"I've thought the worst of you. And not once did I think of you as pathetic." 

"That's because you never knew me." He said and saw the confused look on her face. "I mean the man. You never knew him. All you've ever known is the demon. The soulless killer." 

"Spike you're not a demon." She said reaching her hand out to touch his face, but he backed away. 

"Take it back." He yelled. "I am so a demon. That's all I am. All I want to be. When I died I was free. And when I rose I was strong, I was confident, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let anyone get the best of me. Ever." 

"But you're not just a demon Spike. A demon doesn't write poems. A demon doesn't love." She yelled. 

"You might be right about the poems. Those are William. As much as I try I can't get him to go away. But demons can love. We're very good at it. You should know you are one." He had been rather insulting with that last comment and Buffy punched him in the face. 

"I may be a demon, but I know I'm the same person I always have been. I didn't change." 

"You think so? Cause you're wrong. You're not the same girl you were before you were called. You're a killer just like me. You feel it Buffy. You can't deny it. The power that you have. You don't want her back anymore than I want to be the man that I was." He said hoping that she wouldn't beat him down for speaking the truth. 

"I don't want who back? What the hell are you talking about?" 

"The scared, superficial little girl that you were." After he said that she looked away from him. "I'm right aren't I? You like who you are. You like the power, the fact that no one can tell you what to do." 

He stood there silent for what seemed like forever. She didn't move. Didn't make a sound. She just stared at something that wasn't there. Finally he broke the silence. "Buffy you can't hate me for speaking the truth." 

"You're right." She said quietly. "You're always right. I don't want to be that little girl. She was surrounded by people and yet she was alone. She was liked because she was pretty. She didn't get to think for herself. And she was always afraid that she would do something and no one would like her anymore. She was a puppet. And when I came to Sunnydale it was different. I mattered." 

"The slayer mattered." He said. 

"No Spike. I mattered. Being the slayer gave me strength. It gave me confidence. And it gave me the ability to be who I was. I didn't care anymore what people thought of me. Because I knew that I was important. And I don't believe that I am the demon. Being the slayer has given me a lot, but it enhanced who I am. It didn't take me away." She was making sense and he hated it. Everything she said applied to him. He was still William. He was still the pathetic poet. But he wasn't as lost. Wasn't as scared. He stood up for himself. He was passionate to a fault just like he was when he was alive, but he defended his passions. Hell he was tortured by a God just so something wouldn't happen to the little bit. He sat down and Buffy sat on his lap. "You're not the demon Spike. It's a big part of you and what you do, but it isn't who you are." She leaned back on his chest. And he wrapped his arm around her. 

"But all those things I did. All those people I killed." He said. 

"Those were for survival. You needed to eat. But you don't kill anymore, you can't. And you're the same man now that you were before the chip. Nothings changed. You're still stubborn, obnoxious, all 'oh look at me'." She said. 

"Hey now…" he said and she positioned herself so that she was sitting closer to his knees and she looked in his eyes. 

"And extremely sexy, and sweet sometimes. And you're always helping me out. And… and." He knew that she was reaching to try and come up with good things about him so he silenced her with a short kiss. 

"So you're saying we're not demon?" he asked. 

"I'm saying that if there was a questionnaire and it asked you if you were demon or human we would have to check the 'other' box. " 

"The other box?" he said half laughing at her choice in descriptions and smiling because she was treating him like he was somebody. Like he mattered. 

"Yeah. We're like half-breeds. Human and demon." 

"Half-breeds huh?" he said turning her so her back was once again leaning against his chest. 

"Yep. Half-breeds." She said and then they fell silent. They weren't the human. They weren't the demon. They just were.   
  
  


Part 21 || Part 23 


	23. "The Burning."

_"The Burning."_

  
__ __

"The Burning."   
Part twenty-three of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


They sat there and he held her. He had been surprised at everything she said. How she admitted she was a demon and how the demon gave her strength. How she said they were the same. That they were half-breeds. And how for the first time she said that she loved him. He could stay like this forever. Silent with her. And then she spoke. 

"Do you think you could take these off now." She said raising her wrist that was still cuffed to his. 

"You promise not to up and leave?" he asked. 

"Spike." She said annoyed. 

"What? I'm supposed to trust that you're not going to just up and leave." He said. 

"I'm not going anywhere. I love you. And I'm going to prove it. I'm going to tell my friends. I'm going to stop pushing you away. I'm going to stop being so violent." 

"I don't mind the violence, luv. I get off on it. We both do. I just don't want your violence turning me into a big pile of dust." 

"Check. No pile of dust." She said and then smiled at him. He reached in his pocket and got the key for the cuffs. 

"There you go. You're free." He said as he unlocked them. 

"Yep I'm free and I'm staying right here." She said leaning back onto his chest. 

"I love you Buffy." He whispered in her ear. 

"Yeah me to." She said lifting herself off him. "What is she doing here?" 

"What?" he asked and then realized what Buffy was looking at. "Oh her." 

"Yes her. What is she doing here?" 

"A bit jealous are you." He said as they stood. 

"Please. Me jealous of little miss 'I'm a slayer/vampire.' I don't think so." 

He decided that he should just drop it. He didn't want to piss Buffy off and arguing with her about her being jealous of Aurora would surely piss her off. "I was mad at you after I saw you and Angel in the Magic Box. I decided that my life would be better off without you women in it. So I drugged her and put Drusilla in the coffin." 

"You what? Drusilla's in the coffin? Why?" she said, each sentence part of a different thought. 

"I was going to kill them. I was going to kill you." He said. 

"You were going to what?" she yelled. 

"That's right. I was going to kill you. You and Dru and I was going to cut Aurora into tiny little pieces so that even if she didn't die she wouldn't be much of anything. I didn't want to look at you. I did catch you and peaches you know. Not something I was all too happy about. I decided that the reason I was always so unhappy was because of you women. So I was just going to get rid of you." He was very calm when he spoke. 

"I see. Things get to hard and your solution is to just make them go away." She yelled. 

"Yeah. That's about right." He said and he could tell that she was becoming furious. "But I could have never done it. Not to you anyways. I tried to think that I could. Because I hated what you did. But the truth is I'd kill myself before I'd kill you." 

"You know you really should learn how to deal with your anger." She said half joking. 

"Yeah I heard that already from Dawn. Look I'm sorry. I would have never hurt you." 

"I know." She said and then kissed him on the cheek. "Why don't we go. I've got some things I need to tell my friends." 

"Alright then." He said and they headed out the door. 

"I'll never understand it." She said as they walked. 

"Understand what?" 

"Us." She said and he stopped walking. 

"You go on ahead. I just remembered I left some candles burning downstairs don't want the place to burn." He said. 

"I'll come with you." 

"No it's ok. I'll catch up." He said and then he headed back to his crypt. When he got inside he walked to the coffin Dru was in and started talking to her. He wasn't sure if she could hear him, but he kept talking. 

"I didn't think it'd ever come to this. Thought we were eternal. Literally. But I guess even I'm wrong sometimes. I just want to thank you. For giving me this. If you hadn't have taken pity on me all those years ago I would have died alone, unhappy. And you probably didn't know it then, or maybe you did, but you gave me the chance to be loved. You made it possible for me to know her. You gave me Buffy. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry you'll never know what that feels like. I'm sorry that Angel made you crazy. That he made you weak. But me being sorry doesn't change you. You were the one I thought I loved for so long. You were the one who gave me life. But she's everything and I can't let you take that away." He grabbed the can of gasoline that he had bought when he thought that he would be killing Buffy and he poured it over everything, including Aurora. He opened the coffin and poured what was left in the can on top of Drusilla. She was sleeping. He took his lighter out of his pocket and he threw it in the coffin with Dru. As she started to burn he said "Goodbye." And he left. 

He walked in the direction of the Magic Box where he and Buffy had been headed. He tried not to think about his crypt burning. He had said goodbye and he knew it was for the best. He didn't love Dru and she wanted them to be a family again. It was better for him. It was better for her. As he continued to walk he saw Buffy. "You waited." He said. 

"Yeah. I didn't want to walk alone. Did you put the candles out?" 

"Yep. It's all taken care of." He said and she put her hand in his and they continued their walk to the Magic Box. He didn't know what would happen. He had no place to live, he killed Dru, and even if it was true and Aurora couldn't die she would still be quite crispy in the morning. But he had Buffy and it all didn't matter.   


Part 22 || Part 24 


	24. "Admissions."

_"Admissions."_

__

"Admissions."   
Part twenty-four of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


Their walk had been pretty silent. Spike didn't tell Buffy he had set his crypt on fire. He didn't think that she needed to know. It was something he needed to do for himself. He had to say goodbye to Drusilla. Even though they had been long since over she was his sire and there would always be a connection. And he knew that despite the fact that he had given up on their connection, Dru wouldn't. She would always want to be the family. That's the way she was. 

When they reached the Magic Box Buffy began to speak to herself. "Ok. I want to do this. I need to do this. They're not going to hate me. They're my friends and they love me. And I want to do this." 

"Need to give yourself a little pep talk do you, luv?" Spike said. 

"You'd need to give yourself a pep talk if you had to go in there and introduce you as a boyfriend." She said. 

"You don't need to introduce me. They already know me." He said trying to calm her down. 

"That's the problem. They know you. If you were any other guy I could go in there and say 'Hey this is my new boyfriend' and they'd have to accept him no matter what. But they don't have to accept you." 

"Why the hell not??" He asked kind of hurt. 

"Hello. You tried to kill them. More than once." She said. 

"True. But I haven't tried in such a long time. I have to get points for that." He said figuring he had a good argument. 

"Maybe you would if you would just stop joking about killing them." She said. 

"I don't." he said innocently. 

"Yes you do. Xander especially. I swear you couldn't have commented more on how he would make a good meal at their wedding rehearsal dinner." She said sounding kind of disappointed in him. 

"That was just… I was only trying to get him to squirm. I wouldn't actually kill him. If he was dead who be around to make me look good?" he asked and then the door on the Magic Box opened. 

"Buffy. It's you. We thought we saw someone standing outside." Xander said then realizing that Spike was there added. "Oh goody. You brought along Dead Boy Jr." 

"You know Harris, I can still hire people to kill you." At that Buffy gave him her 'shocked and disappointed' look. And all he did was shrug his shoulders. 

They walked in and Buffy said, sounding a bit petrified "Oh good everyone's here." And they were. Everyone, Willow, Tara, Dawn, Anya, Xander, Angel, Cordelia, and Angel's little prophecy child. The only one missing was Giles, but he was in England so this was everyone. 

"Hey Spike. How'd it go?" Dawn asked. 

"Well I'm still here aren't I?" Spike said looking at Buffy who seemed to be becoming paler. 

"Buffy did you have something to say?" Willow asked. 

"What?" Buffy asked. 

"You sounded like you had something to say. You know you were all 'oh good everyone's here' and then Dawn kind of broke you off." Willow said. 

"Oh yeah. That. Well see Spike… or I um… no wait. It's just that… You have to promise not to…" She wasn't getting anywhere. 

"Breathe slayer." Spike suggested. 

"Yes breathe." She said inhaling and then continuing. "I have to tell you guys something and I'm not quite sure how to." She spoke very fast. 

"Well then I'm thinking maybe you should just tell us." Xander said. 

"Yeah you're starting to give me the heebie jeebies." Dawn added. 

"You have to promise that you're not going to hate me." She said. 

"Why would we hate you?" Tara asked, but Buffy didn't answer. She just fell silent. 

"Do you want me to tell them?" Spike asked. 

"No. They should hear this from me." She once again took a deep breath. "Spike and I are sort of um dating." She looked like she was about ready to pass out. 

"What?" Xander and Angel yelled at the same time. 

"Buffy you can't be. You just can't. It's Spike." Xander said. 

"But I am." Buffy replied. 

"So was what he told me true? About the invisible?" Xander asked and Buffy shook her head yes. "Oh God. Oh God. Make it go away. Willow you have to do a spell. You have to make it go away." 

"Make what go away?" Willow asked puzzled. 

"The memory. Of the invisible and the exercises." Xander said. 

"No. Xander I can't. And what are you talking about anyways?" Willow asked. 

"I can't talk about it. Too traumatic." Xander said and then fell silent. 

"Buffy I really don't think you know what you're getting yourself into." Angel said. 

"You think I don't know." Buffy said stating with her tone that she thought she did. 

"I think you don't. You haven't known Spike as long as I have. You don't know what he's capable of." Angel said. 

"What he's capable of? What about you? He had to learn everything somewhere. And from what I've heard you were his only male role model." Buffy said. 

"He was not my role model." Spike said. 

"Not helping." Buffy said to him. 

"Right." Spike said. 

"I think it's great." Dawn said clearly trying to break the tension. 

"Thanks, bit." Spike said. 

"It is not great. Willow tell her it's not great." Xander said. 

"Xander I don't think we should…" Willow said, but Xander cut her off. 

"Hey wait a second. All you women seem to be pretty calm about this whole thing. I mean not one of you seemed shocked." Xander said. 

"Well we kind of knew." Tara said. 

"You knew?" Buffy said shocked. 

"Tara and I caught you guys together. In the graveyard. We didn't mean to. We were just taking a walk and you guys were kind of…" Willow trailed off. 

"Oh well…" Buffy began. 

"You knew!" Xander yelled. "Who else knew?" 

"I didn't know for sure. Just speculated." Dawn said. 

"And not one of you told me?" Xander said and then looked to his girlfriend. "Anya?" 

"I didn't know, but I'm not exactly shocked. I mean he is handsome. And he's got this body. And well they're around each other all the time. Bound to happen. Besides, I think he got rid of the mopey Buffy." Anya said. 

"The mopey Buffy?" Angel asked. 

"You weren't here when she came back. Not to fun to be around. Then she started to hang out with Spike more and she hasn't been so. What's the word I'm looking for? Cranky." Xander and Angel glared at Anya, but she turned to Spike and Buffy and said "I'm happy for you. I want everyone in the world to be as happy as me and Xander and if it's Spike who makes you happy I say good." Anya looked away from them and then turned back and added. "And later you're going to have to tell me just how happy he makes you." 

Buffy started to blush. "Thanks Anya. I think." 

"I don't believe this. You all gave me a harder time." Angel said. 

"Angel don't." Willow said. 

"No. Are Xander and I the only ones in this room who are thinking clearly." Angel said, then he added. "Cordelia?" 

"Don't look at me. If Buffy wants to continue her downward spiral into a looser by dating Spike that's her deal." Cordelia said. 

"Mighty nice of you Cordy." Spike said. 

"Sorry." Cordelia replied. 

"Look no one has to defend this to you. I love Spike. Deal. I don't tell you that you can't marry a demon." She said to Xander and then turned to Angel "And I didn't go all 'how could you' when I learned that Darla of all people had your baby. So just leave it alone. This is the man that I love. And that isn't going to change because you say so." 

"But Buffy." Angel started. 

"No I don't want to hear it." Buffy said. 

"We're only trying to help." Xander added. 

"Well I don't need your help. I'm a big girl. And you're just going to have to accept this. Now we're going to go before we all say things we don't mean." Buffy said grabbing Spikes hand and heading towards the door. Spike heard someone say something, but Buffy had chosen to ignore it and just kept walking out the door. 

"That went well." Spike said as soon as they had gotten away from the magic shop. 

"Yeah well at least I don't have to explain this to my mother." Buffy said. 

"Hey your mum liked me." He said. 

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean she would like me dating you." Buffy replied. 

"No probably not." 

"Why don't we just go to your place? I don't really feel like going home. Xander and Angel might show up there." Buffy said and then Spike remembered the fire. And that there was no more his place to go to. 

"Yeah ok." He said anyways and they headed off. Together. Not in secret. Together out in the open.   


Part 23 || Part 25 


	25. "Moments."

_"Moments."_

__

"Moments."   
Part twenty-five of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com) 

They walked through the graveyard hand in hand towards his crypt. It was strange. He never thought of them as the hand holding types. It was actually bordering on uncomfortable. They fought, they didn't hold hands, but he kept his fingers laced with hers because maybe that's what she wanted. He knew she was still getting over the shock of telling everyone. Her face started blankly into nothing. She didn't speak. She was his and now the whole world could know it. They might not be happy about it, but they could know. 

"Do you smell smoke?" she asked stopping. 

They were close enough to his crypt, but not close enough to see it. *Oh yeah the fire.* he thought and then said "I think your right." Trying to hide the fact that he wasn't surprised. 

Buffy dropped his hand and turned around clearly trying to figure out where the smell was coming from. She began walking and Spike followed her. He knew that she was looking for a demon. She was always looking for a demon, but then again they were always in a graveyard so it really wasn't all that strange. 

She stopped again. He had been looking at the ground as he walked not sure if he wanted her to figure out where the smoke was coming from, but he looked up when she spoke. "Fire trucks. They're at your crypt." She said pointing. 

His eyes landed at the flashing lights coming from the trucks. And then he saw the burned shell of what used to be his home. He looked away. He didn't think that he had been so attached to the place, but seeing it like that, with the smoke still escaping out the door, he felt like he lost something. 

Buffy began walking again and he followed. She started talking to the first fireman she saw. "What happened?" she asked the fireman who stood there covered in soot from being inside. 

"There was a fire." The man said and then turned away from her writing something on his clipboard. 

Spike knew that wasn't going to be a good enough answer for her and he wasn't surprised when she walked around the man and began asking more questions. "I know there was a fire Sherlock. But why was there a fire?" 

"Miss I can't discuss this with you. This is a crime scene." The man said and started walking away. 

Buffy followed him. "A crime scene? You mean you think this was arson? Are you sure it wasn't just an accident. You know like a candle left burning or something?" 

The fireman turned to her. "Miss I'm going to have to ask you to leave." 

She ignored him. "Were there any bodies inside?" she asked and the fireman looked shocked. 

"Hey Chad, looks like we've got our proof." A man yelled from across the way holding up a gas can. 

"I'll be there in a minute." 'Chad' the fireman yelled and then he turned back to Buffy. "What do you know about this place?" 

"Oh nothing." She lied. 

"Why would you wonder about bodies?" Chad asked. 

"Bodies. What? Oh, just wanted to make sure no one was hurt." She lied again. 

Chad wasn't buying it. "You wanted to make sure no one was hurt." 

"Uh-Huh" 

"What do you know about the person who was living here?" Chad asked. 

"Living here? Who would want to live here?" Buffy asked. 

"I don't know. You tell me. We found furniture. A bed, a couch, a TV. There was even a refrigerator." Chad said sort of laughing under his breath. 

"Strange." Buffy said and the second that Chad was called by the other firefighters she grabbed Spikes coat and pulled him away. 

When they were far enough away so that no one could hear or see them she spoke. "I thought you put the candles out?" 

"I bloody did." He lied. "Didn't you see Chad's little friend with a gas can? This fire wasn't started by a bunch of candles left burning." 

"Good point. But who would set your crypt on fire?" she asked and then added. "Never mind. Anyone would want to set your crypt on fire." With a little too much emphasis on 'anyone'. 

"Hey!" he shouted at the realization of her insult. 

"What? It's not my fault your list of enemies is about a mile long." She said innocently. 

"Yeah well lets just go. Can't do noting about it now." He said starting to walk away. 

"Wait." She called after him. "What about Drusilla and Aurora?" 

"What about 'em?" 

"Do you think they're dead?" she asked. 

"Don't know. Don't really care. Besides how are you supposed to find out? If Dru went down in that blaze of glory she's just more ashes for the fire department to sweep up." He said knowing that Dru had died. He had watched as her body caught fire. He had watched, as she didn't move. He had watched as she started to fade. He had watched and he had said goodbye. 

"But what about Aurora? She said she can't die unless you die." Buffy said and Spike could tell that she was worried. 

"Even if everything she said was true and she won't kick it until I die she is still nice and crispy after the fire." He said trying to reassure her. 

"But what if they're the ones who did this? What if they set the fire?" 

"Don't do that slayer. Don't play the what if game. They were tied up. They couldn't move. And if by some god awful chance they are alive you'll fight them. You'll fight them and you'll win." She smiled at his words. 

"You sure are taking this well." She said still smiling. 

"Well what can I say, I'm not clingy." He said looking in the direction of him charred home. 

"But that was where you lived and Drusilla was your…" she trailed off and then started again "You were together for a long time." She added quietly looking away from his face. 

"Drusilla isn't a part of my life anymore. I don't care what happens to her. And I'll find another place to live." He reached out and grabbed her hand. Placing it inside his own just as it was before. She smiled at his gesture and they began walking. 

"So I guess you'll be needing a place to stay." She said resting her head on his shoulder as they walked. 

"You offering?" he asked shocked. 

"I guess so. I mean you don't have somewhere else you'd rather stay do you?" 

"There's no where I'd rather stay." He said and they continued in silence to her house. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When they walked in the door, they found Willow and Dawn watching television. 

"Buffy you're here." Willow said standing from the couch. 

"Yeah I kinda live here." Buffy replied. 

"I know. I just wasn't sure, you know with the whole Angel/Xander not being supportive, if you'd be back here tonight." Willow said nervously and then added "Hi Spike." 

"Hey Red." He said. 

"How bad was it?" Buffy asked. 

"After you left Angel and Xander tried to convince us that we should try to break you guys up." Dawn answered. 

"They what?" Buffy said. 

"Yeah there was that and some big plan that involved Spike, Holy Water, a bath tub, and some handcuffs." Willow said. 

"OK. I'm really hoping the plan was about killing Spike slowly. Cause otherwise EW." Buffy said flatly. 

"Since when do we want me dead?" Spike said. 

"Since the alternative to that scenario would leave me scarred for life." Buffy said. 

"Don't worry. No scarring for life. Just tortured, dead Spike." Willow said reassuring her friend. 

"So where are they?" Buffy asked. 

"Well Xander kept saying that you couldn't love Spike because he is a worthless, soulless thing. So Anya got really mad and started yelling at him about how she used to be a demon. It kinda got ugly and then she left and told Xander not to bother coming home." Dawn said. 

"So where did he go?" Buffy asked. 

"With Angel." Willow said. "When Anya told Xander he couldn't go home Angel said he could stay with him and Connor at the Inn." 

"Oh isn't that priceless. Xander and Angel bonding over the fact that they hate me. Staying alone in a dark cozy hotel room. And they make such a cute little family with Angel Jr." Spike said holding back a laugh while Buffy glared at him. 

"So how long do you think it will take them to get over this?" Buffy asked picking Dawns half finished can of soda up off the coffee table. 

"I'm betting close to never." Dawn said. 

"It's just going to take them time Buffy. Maybe if you talk to them. You know try to explain." Willow said. She always tried to look at the best in every situation. 

"I'll talk to them later." Buffy said. "By the way, Spikes going to be staying here for awhile." 

"He's what? This is so great!" Dawn said a little too excitedly. 

"Dawn." Buffy said looking disapprovingly at her sister. "Spikes crypt was set on fire." 

"Sorry." Dawn said. 

"What happened?" Willow asked. 

"Don't really know. Got burnt." Spike said. 

"Buffy isn't there somewhere else he could stay? I mean this is hard on Xander as it is. I don't think Spike living here with you is going to make that better." Willow said. 

"It's only until he finds somewhere else. And besides he'll just be sleeping on the couch." Buffy said and Spike was disappointed. He was looking forward to her falling asleep in his arms. 

"OK, but if Xander asks I put up a fight." Willow stated. 

"Yep. A fight complete with hair pulling." Buffy said smiling at her friend. 

"Well I think I'm going to head off to bed. Only 4 more hours till I have to be in homeroom." Dawn said yawning. 

"I'm sorry Dawnie. One of these days we're going to have a normal night. One where were home by 8:00, watch horrible shows on primetime TV, and get to sleep before the sun starts to come up." Buffy said. 

"No big deal. I have math first hour. Perfect time for a nap." Dawn said and headed up the stairs. 

"When did I become such a bad parent?" Buffy asked. 

"You're not Buffy. You've just got a lot going on." Willow said once again trying to make the best of things. "I think I'm going to follow Dawn and head up to bed. You should think about getting some sleep too Buffy." 

"I will. I'm just going to get some blankets and stuff for Spike." Buffy said watching her friend head up the stairs. 

"So you want silk sheets or fuzzy blankets?" Buffy asked Spike. 

"What you got on your bed?" He asked moving closer to her. She started to say something, but he didn't let her finish. He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her for the first time since she told her friends. His hands found themselves on the back of her head, getting tangled in her hair, trying to pull her closer. He didn't know when it happened, but they had somehow managed to find themselves on the couch with him on top of her. She was warm while he was cold. It wasn't until the night that they were in the old abandoned building, and brought the walls down, that he first noticed how alive she was. Her life warmed his cold dead skin every time she touched him. He loved that she could make him feel alive. Then he came to the realization that she was alive and unlike him needed to breathe. He broke the contact their mouths had. She was panting. Inhaling and exhaling deeply and he found himself doing the same. Then she pushed him off her. 

"Fuzzy blankets it is." She said standing. 

"Oh come on, you don't need to make a bed up for me. There's one upstairs I'd much rather be in." he said. 

"You're sleeping on the couch Spike." She said firmly. 

"Why?" 

"Because the last thing I need is for Dawn to see you coming out of my room in the morning." 

"I thought that after you told your friends about us we wouldn't have to hide anymore." He said. 

"We're not hiding. We're just not letting my little sister know about my sex life." Buffy said. 

"Right. Because she still looks at you like the blushing virgin. Please slayer. Your sister isn't stupid. And she isn't as little as you lot think she is. You don't need to hide things from her." He said. 

"No, But I don't need to add fuel to her imagination. She thinks the world of you Spike. Did you see the look in her eyes when I told everyone about us? And what about the look just now when I told her you would be staying here?" 

"She was glad." 

"She was bouncing off the walls happy. And that worries me. This needs to go slow for her. Because if this doesn't work you don't only break my heart. You break hers too." Buffy said. 

"Buffy I would never." Realizing exactly how good a mother she was to the 'lil bit. "The couch it is." He said giving in. 

She left the room and returned with sheets and a pillow. 

"Do you mind if I watch a little telly? If it'll keep you up I won't. It's just I'm not all that tired." Spike asked as she started making the couch into a bed. 

"I'm not really tired either. Mind if I watch with you?" she asked. 

"Not at all." He said and helped her with the sheets. Then they both sat down. She rested her head on his chest and grabbed the remote. 

She began pushing buttons and stopped when she hit MTV. It was one of those damn boy bands that looked pretty and danced around lip-synching to horrible music. "Bloody hell slayer. We're not watching that." 

"Why not?" she asked. 

"Because it's not music that's why." He said grabbing the remote from her hands. He flipped for a while and found a re-run of Dawson's Creek. 

"And this is so much better." She said disapproving of his choice in programs. 

"At lest this has a plot." He said. 

"And such a good one." She said sarcastically and he switched the channel. He flipped and flipped and finally landed on the TV guide channel. 

They both watched the programs run across the screen. Spike saw nothing that he wanted to watch. The guide just kept scrolling. 

"Trading Spaces!" Buffy said grabbing the remote out of his hands. 

"What the hell is that?" he asked. 

"It's a show." She said turning it on. "Oh good. It's one with Ty." 

"Who the hell is Ty?" 

"He's the carpenter." Buffy said. 

"And he does what exactly." 

"He builds things for the designers. They have two teams and they trade houses and decorate a room in the others home." She said. 

"I'm not watching a show about decorating and designers." 

"No. Heaven forbid people might think you were soft. It's those soap operas that make you so manly. No be quiet it's almost the end." She said and he fell silent. 

He guessed it wasn't so bad. They had a hammer and were beating shit with it. And none of their projects were working out. It was kind of funny. And it didn't matter. He just liked the closeness between him and Buffy. Then at the end of the show the woman hated what was done to her house so much she started crying. It made Spike laugh. But Buffy didn't move. She had fallen asleep. *So much for the niblet not knowing we spent the night together.* he thought knowing that he should bring her up to her room, but at the same time not wanting to wake her. So he just let her sleep. Caught up in the moment of actually doing something normal with her. 

Part 24 || Part 26 


	26. "Dawn's Advise."

_"Dawn's Advise."_

  
__ __

"Dawn's Advise."   
Part twenty-six of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


He woke up when he heard Dawn come down the stairs. Buffy was still asleep. It felt good having her in his arms, her head resting on his chest. Then he remembered what she had said about taking things slow for Dawn so he lifted her body off his and quietly left her to sleep. He went to the kitchen hoping that there would be some blood in the fridge. He didn't expect to find any. He never thought that Buffy would be that considerate of his needs. Dawn was sitting at the counter eating cereal. 

"Hey bit." He said opening the refrigerator door. There was no blood that he could find so he took out a carton of orange juice and started drinking it. 

"Hey Spike. You know you might want to use a glass in this house." Dawn said. 

He brought the carton of juice down from his mouth and put it on the counter. "Sorry." 

"That's ok. You might want to just finish it off. I don't think that anyone's going to want to drink that anymore." Dawn said finishing her breakfast. 

"I'll be sure to remember the glass for next time." He said and sat down next to her. 

"Why are you drinking juice anyways. I kinda thought blood was your beverage of choice." She said while she took her empty bowl to the sink and rinsed it out. 

"There isn't any blood. I'll have to go to out and buy some." 

"Buffy's got some for you in a cooler in the basement. She said it was a little too gross to keep it in with all of our food." Dawn said and started to put her homework into her book bag. 

He was shocked. He didn't think that Buffy would ever do that for him. Maybe she really could accept him as a demon. She had admitted she loved him and she had told her friends, but he never really thought that she would ever get over the fact that he was a demon. "She does, does she? Never thought she would be one to provide me with that." He said surprised. 

"Spike she's stubborn. It doesn't mean she doesn't think about you. And she does care. She admitted that she does. And I saw the two of you this morning. All cuddly on the couch. I know your relationship can never be normal, but you have to stop thinking that she's going to hurt you." Dawn said. 

"I don't think that." He said. 

"Yes you do. And you have every right. She treated you like dirt. And just because now she decides that it's right for her the two of you can be together. She was wrong. You loved her for so long and she didn't want to see it. But I think she means it. I think this is what she wants. And I know that the two of you are never going to stop fighting. I think that's part of the reason she gave into you. Because you challenge her. Angel fought beside her, Riley was her attempt at normality, but neither one of them could ever be what she needed. She needs someone who can treat her like a princess and at the same time tell her that she's a bitch. And no one can do that quite like you can. But you have to stop wondering if she's going to stop caring. I know Buffy. She'll drop you the second she feels pressured. And if you keep thinking that she's going to hurt you, you're going to screw it up. You're going to say something that makes her feel pressured. And then I won't get see you anymore." Dawn said. Spike didn't know how Dawn could know this much about him and Buffy. How did she know that he wondered if Buffy was going to go back to hating him. 

He decided that he didn't want to find out. He didn't like it when people knew that part of him. He didn't want to be looked at as a person who was afraid of being hurt. He spent his whole life before he was turned being that man. "Don't you have school or something?" he asked her trying to change the subject. 

"Yeah. I have to get going in about fifteen minutes. I better go get Buffy." Dawn said heading out the room. 

"Wait. Let her sleep. She's had a rough couple of days. What do you need her for?" Spike asked. 

"She usually makes me a lunch." 

"You can't make your own lunch?" he asked with a laugh. 

"I could if there was any food in the house, but it's kind of all gone. I was hoping maybe Buffy would have some cash so I could buy some food at the school." 

"Oh." He said reaching in his pocket. "Here is $20 enough? I think that's all I've got." He put the money on the counter and Dawn picked it up. 

"It's plenty. We usually only have like cheep burgers and fries at school. It's so gross. I don't actually think they make the burgers out of beef. But no one can really prove it." Dawn said putting on her jacket. 

"I'll get you some real food for tomorrow." Spike said. 

"Ok. But I still have to get Buffy up. I have a field trip slip that needs to be signed. We're going to the amusement park the last day of school." She took the slip of paper out of her pocket and found a pen by the phone. 

"Give it here." Spike said still not wanting her to wake up Buffy. 

"Spike you can't sign it. It needs to be my legal guardian. And besides I don't think that the school would ever accept a field trip slip signed by either 'Spike' or 'William the Bloody'. It's just weird." She said and Spike snatched the slip out of her hand. 

"I'm not going to sign my name. You got anything with Buffy's handwriting on it?" 

"You're going to forge her signature?" Dawn said shocked. 

"No you're going to. You're in bloody high school Dawn. Every high school student should know how to forge their parents signatures. It's just not right if you don't." he said with a smirk. 

"I can't do that. Buffy writes way different than I do." She said showing Spike a piece of paper with Buffy's writing on it. 

"Get a blank sheet of paper and then just try to copy what she wrote." Spike said looking at Buffy's note. He had never really seen her handwriting before. It was cheery. Not what was written, but the way it was written. 

Dawn had tried her best to copy her sister's handwriting, but she wasn't very good at it. The tails on all of Buffy's letters were huge loops and Dawns looked more like tangled knots. Spike tried to explain to her how to form the letters, but she still wasn't getting it. He would have to teach her later. She was going to be late, so he took the permission slip and signed Buffy Summers. It wasn't perfect, but he didn't think that the blokes at school would know the difference. "We'll work on it later." He said and then handed her the permission slip. 

"Work on what later?" Buffy said standing behind them. 

"Nothing. Spike just gave me some lunch money. I have to go." Dawn said while stuffing the permission slip in her book bag. 

"Ok. Have a good day." Buffy said. 

"I will. Bye Spike. Thanks for the help. And remember what I said." Dawn said heading out the door. 

"What help? And what did she say?" Buffy asked when Dawn was gone. 

"It was nothing Buffy. Forget about it." He said. 

Buffy gave him a suspicious look. "Oh my god. I forgot to sign her permission slip. It's due today. I have to go to the school." 

"Buffy I took care of it." He said. 

"You signed it? But they don't know who you are. They're never going to accept it. She won't get to go and then she'll hate me." Buffy said. 

"I signed your name." He said. 

"You what!" 

"I signed your name. I just thought you were tired. Didn't want to wake you. She needed it signed so I did it. Not the end of the world." He said. 

"Oh. I'm going to go take a shower. There's some blood for you downstairs in a cooler. Then we're going to have to find you someplace to live. I was thinking maybe instead of a crypt this time you could maybe get a condo. You know one overlooking the ocean with big huge windows." She said smiling. 

"Luv, I don't really fancy windows." 

"Right. Well we'll find someplace. And we should really try to figure out about the council. What they're doing to the slayers is wrong. They shouldn't be able to just give people demon blood. And Aurora. She probably didn't die in that fire. And I'm not so sure it wasn't her and Drusilla who started it. They're probably not that happy with you." Buffy said. 

"Can't you ever just take a break?" Spike asked. 

"No I can't. I'm the slayer. I didn't have a choice. But I think that others should. And I'm not going to kill the slayers in waiting to stop the council. There needs to be a slayer. There needs to be someone who takes care of the world. And right now that person is me. And I could quit, but this is what I want to do. And I think that it should be a choice. And I hope you'll help me make it right. Help me make it so the others have a choice. But for now I'm taking a shower." Buffy said and headed up the stairs. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Buffy went upstairs to take a shower Spike went downstairs to get some blood from the cooler. When he opened the cooler he was shocked by what he saw. It was human blood. Not animal blood from the butcher, but real human blood. She had went to Willy's and bought him real human blood. As he grabbed a bag of blood and headed upstairs he began to think that Dawn was right. Maybe this thing really was what she wanted. 

He found a mug and heated his blood in the microwave. While the seconds were counting down on the microwave he opened the cupboards searching for something to give his blood a little flavor. There really wasn't much that he could use. There really wasn't anything in them at all. They had hardly any food. He knew that they had been going through money trouble. Buffy had been talking about getting a job, but he didn't know that it was this bad. And he thought things were ok after Giles had given her the check. He shut the cupboard doors when the microwave beeped and grabbed the mug and headed to the living room. 

As he sat on the couch he began coming up with a plan to help Buffy. He would go and buy them groceries. No scratch that plan he couldn't go there. All the little kids running around screaming while their mothers debated between fluffy or extra fluffy fabric softener was enough to make him want to kill himself. He was more of a shop at the corner gas station kind of guy, but they needed real food not just chips and pop. Maybe he could just give her money and she could go to the store. And if she can't buy groceries she probably has other things that she can't buy or bills she can't pay. He would help with that too. He would talk to her as soon as she got out of the shower. 

The morning paper was sitting on the coffee table and he picked it up. He remembered when he used to read the Sunnydale News Tribune every day. Back when he was with Dru and they were trying to kill Buffy. He used to love to read the stories the cops would make up about how the people he and Dru killed had died. Not once had there ever been as story that simply said 'Teenager found in park dead. Vampires suspected.' It was like they never got any credit. But he hadn't read the paper in a long time. 

The front page said something about adding on to the new Sunnydale High building. Not really caring if the high schoolers got their new theater. Although maybe he should care. Dawn was going there. But still he didn't. As far as he was concerned Dawn should be sent to Catholic school. An all girls Catholic school where there were no boys to have perverted thoughts about her. A school with many crosses hung from every wall, so that big bads like himself would steer clear. 

He flipped the paper over and found the weather staring back at him. Everyday this week was going to be 'Sunny and Hot' according to Jim Sky the Weather Guy. That was just the thing a vampire wanted to hear. Sunny. Not that he minded not being able to go out in the day. Being a prince of darkness gave him an edge. It was just that 'Sunny' meant that he would need to be careful. He had a tendency to not be paying attention and all of a sudden be smoking. And not just his cigarette. 

He finally found the section on apartments for rent. Maybe he could find one in Xander and Anya's building. That would really tork Xander off. Having him as a neighbor. But then he realized that he would have to have Xander as a neighbor and that was too much for him. Especially since he and Angel were probably plotting his death. There was one ad that stuck out at him. It was for a two bedroom, fully furnished, apartment in the 'upper class' side of Sunnydale. The ad said the apartment came with a full kitchen, 2 bathrooms, a dining room, an office and tons of built in bookshelves. With apartment rental you got access to the buildings indoor and outdoor swimming pools, full equipment gym, and a parking spot in the apartment garage. 

"Oh look. My boyfriends sitting on the couch drinking his blood and reading the paper. My life is so deranged." Buffy said drying her hair with a towel. 

"What's deranged about me reading the paper?" Spike asked. 

"The blood." She said. 

"Oh right. Hey thanks for that. You didn't have to you know. Should have bought some food for you and Dawn." He said. 

"Didn't buy it. I went down to Willy's asking for information on Aurora and I asked him for some blood and he gave it too me and said 'don't worry about the bill'." 

"So you beat him up then?" Spike asked. 

"Yep. So what are you reading anyways?" she asked. 

"Found myself an apartment." He said and pointed at the ad in the paper. 

"You can't live there." Buffy said. 

"Why the hell not?" 

"Because that's the most expensive apartment complex in all of Sunnydale and you can't afford it." She said plainly. 

"Yes I can." 

"How? You do remember I'm the slayer and if you take up bank robbery I will have to stop you." She said. 

"I don't have to rob anything Buffy. I've got my own money." He said. 

"What?" she said sounding a bit stunned. 

"Well you don't think that you can live as long as I have and not set up a good nest egg do you?" he said. 

"But you steal. And you lived in a crusty old crypt which you don't pay any rent for. And… And you steal." She said. 

"Because I'm a vampire. Big bad remember. You don't pay bills when you're a vampire. But I'll do it for you. I'll buy an apartment and live in it as long as you promise to visit me. You know break in the new bed." 

She didn't even react to his last comment. She just continued to ask him about the money. "How much do you have? Where did it come from?" 

"I have plenty. It's in the bank. Had some money when I was alive. It wasn't much, but I held on to it. Transferring it to my make believe son every once and a while. Invested it in the stock market here in the states. Made a fortune. Sold the stocks last year so all the moneys just been sitting in the bank collecting dust. Never really had the need to use it. But it was nice to have in case I needed to bribe someone or pay someone off. Other than that it just sits there." He said looking again at the ad for the apartment. He would call there later. 

"Oh." Buffy said and then looked away. 

"I know things are rough for you and the little bit. Let me help you. I'll give you some money and you can go get groceries or whatever else you need. And your bills. I'll get them to stop harassing you. I'll pay them off. Whatever you need." He said being sincere. 

"I don't want your charity." She said. 

"Damn it Buffy. This is not charity. I don't think of you as some charity case. This is me trying to help out the woman that I love. You're the slayer. It doesn't exactly give you time to go out and make a living." She didn't react so he added "You took money from Giles!" 

"That was different." She said. 

"How?" 

"He's like a father to me." 

"And I'm what? Dirt." He yelled. 

"No that's not what I meant." She said. 

"Forget it. Forget I ever said anything. I'll be out of here as soon as the sun goes down. Won't have 'ol Spike here to worry about you. You lot can starve for all I care. And you can loose the house and live on the street." He yelled standing up heading for the door. 

"Wait." Buffy yelled after him. "The bills are all downstairs." 

He turned around and smiled. Dawn was right. She does need the fight.   
  
  


Part 25 || Part 27 __


	27. "Bills, Luandry, and Discussion."

_"Bills, Laundry, and Disscussion."_

__

"Bills, Laundry, and Discussion."   
Part twenty-seven of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
Entire Series can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/ladyduvessa19/   


He and Buffy had sat at her dining room table for hours trying to figure out her bills. There was the mortgage, the phone bill (which had several call to England that cost a fortune), the electric bill, the gas bill, the bill for her mothers car, which he really didn't know why she was still paying considering she couldn't drive, and then there was the credit card bill. It was amazing how women could charge a whole wardrobe on a credit card knowing full well that they wouldn't be able to pay it off. The hospital bills had already been paid. Buffy had said that's where all the money went. They would have been fine if it weren't for the doctors. He knew that it must have been hard. To pay people who had failed. To have to give money to the hospital when they hadn't saved her mother. 

When the bills were all paid Buffy promised Spike that she would pay him back. He tried to explain to her that it wasn't necessary. The money had always just been sitting there. What little money he did spend he won playing pool with the blokes at the Bronze. Or he got it from people like Giles who needed to pay him for information. He regretted that now. Taking money from Giles. He could just see Buffy throwing that in his face later. Her yelling at him for having money and still charging for information. Not that he had charged any of them for information in a long time, but he knew that she didn't forget things easily. 

When Buffy finished putting the stamps on the envelopes that had her newly paid bills inside Spike offered to take them to the post office. "I have to go out anyways." He said. 

"But it's the middle of the day." She pointed out. 

"Yeah well I don't think that people are going to rent an apartment to someone who will only show up in the middle of the night." He said and she gave him a worried look. "I can get there threw the sewers. Won't even have to step outside." 

"Going up threw the sewers is a real good way to make a good impression on the apartment renters." She said with a little bit of a laugh. 

"You got a better idea?" he questioned. 

"Yeah I do." She said smiling. "I'll go for you." 

"You'll what?" he asked shocked. First she had bought him blood and now she was going to go and get him a place to live. 

"I'll go. I'll put on a sophisticated outfit and get you the apartment." 

"What, now you're saying I'm not sophisticated enough to get this apartment." He said putting his arm around her waist. 

"I'm saying that people live in that apartment building to get away from people like you." She said running her fingers through his hair. 

"Is that so?" he asked moving closer to her. 

"Yep." She said and he captured her mouth in a kiss. The kiss wasn't passionate. It wasn't full of heat and desire. It was more of a thank you. It was never spoken. Neither one of them said that words, but their gratitude was there in that kiss. 

"Well then I suggest you get going. You are the one who wants me to get a bloody apartment. I'd be happy getting another crypt. My last one was quite posh." He said knowing full well that she didn't want him living in a graveyard anymore. 

"I'm going. I'm going." She said walking away from him towards the door. "No boyfriend of mine is going to live in some dirty rat infested whole in the ground." 

"Hey it was not rat infested!" he said defending his poor lost home. 

She didn't answer him. She just gave him a look that said 'yeah right' and opened the door. 

He couldn't follow her because of the sunlight so he just yelled. "Well it wasn't." 

"It doesn't matter whether there were rats or not, it was still dirty. And I refuse to roll around in the dirt." She said and then added "Again." 

"There was a bed you know." He said and she gave him one last look and slammed the door. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

It was painfully quiet after Buffy left. Of course his crypt had been quiet most of the time, but this was different. This was the Summer's household and he had never been inside it without the chatter of females bouncing off the walls. Well except for when he had snuck in to steal things of Buffy's just so he could have something of hers. Weather it had been pictures or articles of clothing. Still that had been different. Back then he had been inside without permission. Now she had left him alone in her house. She had gone out for the day and left him alone. Without any warnings. No 'don't steal anything'. No 'I swear to god if you break anything'. She just left him. 

He looked at the clock, saw there was still 45 minutes 'till Passions came on, and decided that maybe he should do laundry. He only had the outfit he had on, black jeans and a black t-shirt. And he had been wearing it for about a day and a half already. It wouldn't be smelling that great in a couple of hours and he wanted to be clean when she came home. He took of his shirt and threw it to the floor. Scratching his head he pondered what he was going to wear while his clothes were being washed. He knew that they wouldn't have any clothes that would fit him so he decided to just forgo the clothes while he washed his. It wasn't like anyone was going to be coming home any time soon. Dawn would be at school until sometime after 3:00 and if Willow happened to get out of classes early it didn't matter, it's not as if he was shy about his body. He shed the rest of his clothing and headed downstairs to where the washer and dryer were. 

The last time he had done laundry it hadn't turned out that well, but he thought that this time he could handle it. It helped that Joyce had the washing machine carefully marked with the settings to put it on. He figured she had been trying to get Dawn to help clean clothes. There was even a note. 'Don't put bleach in with the colors. Don't but colors in with the whites. And make sure you read the labels on the detergent before you put it in. Turn the knob to the smiley face sticker and pull it out. –Mom-' He missed her. She was a good woman. He put his clothes in the washing machine and did exactly what was written on the note. 

As he headed up the stairs he heard voices. "She said she was going to be here." 

"Buffy." Another yelled. 

*This is going to be great.* he thought as he continued up the stairs. As he started to turn the corner from the kitchen he tried to think of something clever to say, but decided that a simple hello would be just as good as anything so he turned the corner and said "Hello boys." 

Xander and Angel both turned to face him. The second Angel laid eyes on him he turned away and simply greeted him "Spike." 

Xander just stood there staring in a state of shock. It was just the reaction Spike had been hoping for. "I must admit, Harris, Anya was a good cover. I didn't think you were this much of a poof." He said moving a little to the right. 

"What? No. I wasn't… It's just that…" Xander said turning red and looking away. 

"It's ok to look. I'm not ashamed of what I am. I know I'm attractive." Spike said with a grin. 

"Put some clothes on." Angel demanded still looking away. 

"Well see that's a little hard considering my clothes are a little water logged at the moment." 

"Water logged. How did they get that?" Xander asked. 

"Wouldn't you like to know." Spike replied leading them to believe that they were something other than in the washing machine. "So what is the nature of this pleasant little visit?" 

"We're here to see Buffy." Angel said. 

"She's a little bit busy at the moment." Spike said and he could tell that Xander was going threw in his mind what exactly he had been doing before they had shown up. And from the disgusted look on Xander's face he could tell that his thoughts were about he and Buffy in a naked water fight. 

"Well we need to talk to her." Xander said. 

Spike kept moving. Never standing still. It was so much fun to watch Xander and Angel move their gazes to different directions so as to not see him in his naked glory. "Yeah well I already told you she's busy. How did you get here anyways. Sun's up." He said. 

"I have my ways." Angel said and then looked to Xander. "I'll go find her." 

"I told you she's busy." Spike said and stepped in front of Angel blocking his way to the stairs. 

The door had opened and Buffy stood there asking "Who's busy?" 

"He made us think that you were here. Wet and naked doing god knows what." Xander said. 

"I did nothing of the sort." Spike said innocently. 

"Oh god. Put some clothes on." Buffy said noticing Spike's state of undress. 

"Oh come on slayer. It's not like you haven't seen it all before." He said disgusted. 

She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the kitchen. "Look my best friend still needs to get used to the fact that we're together. Can you please just, I don't know, try not to make this hard on him." 

"I thought red was your best friend?" Spike said. 

"Spike." She half whined. 

"Oh alright. But my clothes are in the washer." 

"Well I'll get you something. There might be something of dad's somewhere." She said. 

"Well I suppose that nothing could be as bad as having to wear Xander's clothes." He said remembering the time when he had been forced to do such a thing. 

"Just stay here." She said leaving to find him something. 

He could hear Xander asking her questions as she tried to get upstairs. "What's he doing here Buffy? He didn't stay here did he??" 

"Xander, just wait a minute. I'm gonna try to find some clothes for Spike." She said trying to avoid his question. 

She returned to the kitchen with a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt. "Here." She said handing him the clothes. 

He put on the jeans, but they were too big for him. He looked at her and was about to say something when she handed him a belt. He put the belt on and tightened it enough so that the pants would stay up. He unfolded the shirt and read what was on it. 'Red Cross Volunteer.' It said and he threw it to the floor saying "Bugger this." 

She looked at him disappointedly, but didn't say anything. She just headed back to where Angel and Xander were and he followed. 

"So what is it that you want?" She asked. "Cause I really don't want to hear how you think this is bad for me." She said gesturing between her and Spike. 

"We won't tell you how wrong we think it is because we know you already know we don't approve." Angel said. 

"Yeah Buff. We just wanted you to know that we didn't do it." Xander said. 

"Didn't do what?" She asked. 

"We didn't start the fire." Angel said. 

"How'd you know about that? You did do it didn't you. Just wanted to come here and make sure Buffy believed that you didn't. Mighty noble of you." Spike said knowing full well that it hadn't been them. 

"It was on the news. Fire in the graveyard. They pulled a refrigerator out of the crypt. Police are looking for leads as to who was living there." Xander said very defensively. 

"We don't think that it was you." Buffy said. "It was Aurora and Drusilla." 

"What?" Angel said. 

"Spike had them tied up in his crypt. They probably got loose and started it." Buffy said. 

"Have you ever had a normal girlfriend?" Xander asked. 

And Buffy reacted with a "Hey!" 

"Sorry." Xander said still weirded out by them as a couple. 

"Well are you trying to find them?" Angel asked. 

"Don't really care to see them again. Especially if they were the ones who burned all my stuff." Spike said. 

"Buffy?" Angel asked. 

"What you think I want to find them?" she said. 

"You can't just leave them alone!" Angel said. 

"Why not?" Buffy asked. 

"Because Dru is a little south of sanity and Aurora is like a super vampire. And they're after you Buffy." Angel said. 

"They're not after me! They're after the slayers in waiting. Aurora wants to put a stop to the slayer because what the council is doing is wrong. They make us demon and they don't even ask! And I'm with her." Buffy yelled. 

"Yeah and they're going to stop at the slayers in waiting. And since when are you the type of person who lets other people get killed." Angel yelled back. 

"Excuse me. I died to save the world." 

"Yeah so did I!" Angel yelled. 

"Because I killed you!" She yelled back. 

"People. People." Xander said. "We can have a battle of the exes later. Right now we need to be focusing on trying to stop Aurora and Drusilla." 

"We're meeting at the Magic Box tonight." Buffy said clearly still mad at Angel. 

"Ok, but maybe we should look stuff up before then. You know have a mini research team right here." Xander suggested. 

"I've got stuff I need to do." Buffy said leading Angel and Xander to the door. 

"But Buffy, we need to figure out exactly what they're doing." Angel said. 

"And we will. Tonight." She said opening the door. 

Xander walked out the door and Angel stood still. "Sun's up." 

Buffy got a blanket and shoved it at him. "Have a nice day." She said pushing him out the door and closing it behind him. 

"Well you sure were in a hurry to get rid of them. Did you get my apartment by the way? You sure weren't gone long." He said and she pulled keys out of her pocket. 

"You can move in first thing tomorrow." She said. 

"Great. So do you think…" He started to say, but she jumped on him kissing him passionately. 

"No more talking." She said undoing her fathers borrowed belt buckle. 

They fell to the floor and made love. Screaming each others names.   


Part 26 || Part 28 


	28. "Prophecy."

_"Prophecy."_

  
__ __

"Prophecy."   
Part twenty-eight of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   


"Thought you didn't want to roll in the dirt anymore?" Spike said referring to their sex in the middle of the day on the floor. 

He kissed her forehead and she replied. "These floors are clean. Or they should be." She wiped her finger along the floor and inspected it for dust and other things. "Dawn was supposed to wash them yesterday." 

"Oh so it's ok for us to have sex on your floor because it might have been cleaned yesterday, but you make a big deal about my old place being too dirty." Spike said making a trail of kisses down her neck. 

"Your old place did have a floor of dirt. That is completely different." She said and he stopped his kisses. 

"Yes, but I told you there was a bed. There's one here too. It's not my fault you're too impatient to make it there." 

"Oh so it's my fault we have crazed animal sex on the floor." She said looking in his eyes. 

"No I think I might have something to do with the crazed animal part." He said with a grin. 

"Whatever." She said. "Why is having sex on a bed suddenly so important to you?" 

"It's not. Just that you said you got me that apartment and I realized I haven't lived in an apartment in a long time. There's a big difference in living in a graveyard and living among people. And besides I thought the whole point of me getting the place was so that you didn't have to hang out in a dump." He said. 

"I don't want to hang out in a dump." She said moving her head closer to his. "But what can I say. I'm too impatient." 

"That you are." He said meeting her mouth with his. 

They kissed for a long while and then Spike broke the contact their mouths had and said "Well I guess after I move in I'll have to have Dawn come and clean the floor." 

He went to kiss her again, but she pulled herself away and stood up. "Oh god Dawn!" she said. 

"What is it luv?" he asked. 

"It's almost 3:00. She's going to be home." She got her clothes and started putting them on. He just stared. "God Spike get dressed!" 

"How many times are you going to tell me that today?" he asked. 

"Come on. She's going to be home." Buffy whined. 

"My clothes are still in the washer. Kind of forgot about 'em. Had other things going on." He said with a smile. 

"Well then put on my dad's stuff again." She said. 

"I am not going to wear those ever again. You're dad is twice my size." 

"That's what the belt is for." She said. 

"Right. So I can wear pants that are way to big for me and look like a bloody rapper. I don't think so slayer. Skins a little pale. You think people give that Eminem fellow a hard time about being white and rapping what do you think that they're going to say about me?" he protested. 

"No one's even going to see you!" she pointed out. "Just put them on and then go put your clothes in the dryer." 

"Dawn'll see me and I won't be giving her reasons to make fun of me. She already thinks that she's got me all figured out." He said. 

"What do you mean she's got you all figured out?" Buffy asked. 

Spike hadn't told her about the advice Dawn had given him and for good reason. Dawn had called her stubborn and unreasonable and she was. But she certainly didn't need to know that. "Forgot the fabric softner." He said. 

"What?" she asked. 

"Your mom's note said that when it buzzes you're supposed to add fabric softener." 

"I think your clothes will be fine without it. I'm surprised you even take them off long enough to wash." She said. 

"I'll have you know my clothes are always clean." He said defending himself. 

"Whatever. Just put something on. If Dawn comes in here and finds you naked you're never going to be allowed back in this house again." She threatened. 

"Is that so." He said. "And how do you plan to keep me away." 

"I can have Willow take away your invitation at any time." She said. 

That hurt. He had thought that she hadn't looked at him as a demon anymore, but clearly she did. "That's right. Cause 'ol Spike here doesn't deserve to be treated any better than what he is." 

"That's not what I meant. I didn't mean it like that." She said. 

"Whatever slayer. I'll just go put my clothes in the dryer and wait for them to dry." He walked down the stairs to the basement. 

"Spike." Buffy yelled, but he didn't answer. 

"What's up Buffy?" Dawn asked and Buffy jumped. 

"Don't do that." Buffy said. 

"Don't do what?" 

"Walk up behind people. It's not nice." 

"Oh ok." Dawn said and then looked around. "Where's Spike?" 

"He's in the basement." Buffy answered and Dawn headed for the stairs. 

Buffy blocked her path. "You can't go down there." 

"Why not?" she asked. 

"Because Spike is doing laundry." Buffy said. 

"I'll help him." Dawn said and tried to get past her sister. 

"No you won't." Buffy said. 

"Why not?" 

"Because Spike doesn't need any help." Buffy said. 

"Spike you down there?" Dawn yelled when she was unable to get past her sister. 

"Yeah bit. Just cleaning some clothes." He yelled. 

"Want some help." She yelled. 

"I think it's best if you stay up there." He yelled back. 

"Why?" she yelled, but instead of Spike answering her Buffy did. 

"Because he's only got the one set of clothes." 

"Oh." Dawn said realizing that he was naked. 

"So how was school?" Buffy asked. 

"It was good." Dawn said. 

"Did you get your permission slip in on time?" She asked. 

"Yeah. Gave it to the teacher this morning." Dawn said and then realized that Buffy hadn't signed it. "Or wait. There's another day, but I left the slip at school. You can just write a note I'm sure." 

"It's OK Dawn I know that Spike signed it." Buffy said. 

"Well then why the third degree about it?" Dawn asked. 

"Because you can't do stuff like that. We have to live by the book or social services will try and take you away." 

"No one's gonna know." Dawn said. 

"Maybe not this time." She said. 

"Fine." Dawn said. "I've got homework. I'll be in my room." 

"We're having a meeting at the magic box. You'll have to gather your homework and bring it with." Buffy said. 

"Fine." Dawn said and gathered her stuff. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

They waited for Spike's clothes to dry and then headed for the magic box. He didn't know why they needed to have a big meeting. He took care of it. Set the chits on fire. Drusilla was dead, he knew that. But he couldn't exactly tell Buffy that without letting her know that he had set the fire. And since they hadn't heard a thing about Aurora since the fire he figured that she must have left town. Yet still they sat at the table covered in books while Dawn pretended to be doing her homework on a small desk in the corner. 

"So do we know anything about her?" Buffy asked. 

"Not so much." Willow said. "I mean aside from the fact that Anya knew her, she's a super vampire who can't be killed unless Spike dies, and she wants to kill the slayers in waiting." 

"Just your basic bad ass demon who wants you dead." Xander said. 

"Thanks for pointing that out Xand." Buffy said. 

"Well what about the prophecy?" Spike asked. 

"Prophecy?? There's a prophecy now??" Buffy asked. "Was I the only one who didn't get the monthly news letter?" 

"You mean he didn't tell you?" Spike said shocked. "I would have thought Angel would have jumped at the chance to tell you about it. Considering he always gets mixed up with those kind of things." 

Buffy looked at Angel and said "Well?" 

Just as Angel was about to say something Spike jumped in. "I think it went a little something like this: A slayer will die and come back. Then she'll end the chosen one. That about right Angel." 

"That's the short version." Angel said. 

"And how are you so sure that this is about Aurora and not about me? I mean I died and came back." Buffy said. 

"Because they prophecy says that one slayer will die and come back and live in silence until another slayer joins her. That's when she will try to put a stop to the chosen one." Angel said. 

"So why wait. She's been dead for like 50 years. Why did she wait until now to try and end the chosen one?" Buffy asked. 

"Because she knew she couldn't do it alone." Anya said and everyone glared at her. "What? She was one of my best friends when I was a demon, but do you people even think to ask me about her? No. You'd rather sit there and read books that don't even have English in them and then argue about some stupid prophecy. " 

"So why didn't you bring this up a little sooner?" Xander asked. 

"I tried. I mean, granted I didn't say anything at first because I was a little shocked to see her. I don't exactly have ties to my old friends that much anymore. And then you guys sit here and talk while I have to work. I can't exactly leave the customers unattended. They could steal things and then I wouldn't get their money. And just now I tried to say something three times, but none of you even paid attention. You just kept talking and I never even got to finish a word." Anya was clearly a little upset. 

"So we're all listening now. Go on with your little 'I used to be a demon story'." By the sound in her voice Spike would have thought Cordelia a little jealous of Xander's new girlfriend. 

"Well lets see. She always talked about the slayer. How it was so wrong. I don't know. I figured that she just wanted to whine. I mean here she is a demon and she used to be killing demons. Not exactly the easiest transition to make. For a while I didn't even believe she was a vampire. I thought that she was going to try and kill me. When we met I was busy working on a case. A guy cheated on his girlfriend with her sister. I was there to give him…" 

"An, we don't need a trip down demon memory lane. We just need the basic facts." Xander interrupted. 

"Fine." Anya said annoyed and then continued. "Anyways I thought Aurora was going to try and kill me because she was the slayer and stuff. Then she vamped out and killed some guy. That's when we really became friends." 

"There's a nice thought. While every other person would have run for their life when they saw a vampire kill, my fiancé took that opportunity to make friends." Xander said and Anya glared at him. 

"So she was killing people. She doesn't have a soul." Buffy said. 

"You kind of loose that when you become a vampire." Spike said. 

"I know, but she talked to me. It didn't seem like she meant any harm. Well not to people. She just wanted to stop the council from doing what they are doing to us." Buffy said. 

"Buffy think about it. If she stops the council and kills all of the slayers in waiting demons will have free reign." Angel said. 

"I get what you're saying. And I know that Drusilla probably wanted the slayers gone but, I really don't think that is what it was about for Aurora. She feels cheated just like I do. They took us and gave us demon blood and they didn't even ask. I'm part demon and I didn't even know it." Buffy said. Spike was worried about her. She wasn't thinking clearly about the whole thing. Some part of her must feel connected to Aurora because they are slayers. But just because she used to be one didn't mean that she shouldn't be stopped. 

"You're right it isn't fair. Someone should have asked you. But it's too late. It's already been done. But we can't just let her kill the slayers in waiting, Buffy. I know it's been hard for you since you came back. You didn't want to be here. And that's fine. I screwed up. I shouldn't have brought you back but, you can't identify with her. She's a vampire." Willow said. 

"I don't blame you Wil. Look I don't even know why we need to be here. It's not like she's been seen around lately. Maybe she gave up. Maybe her and Drusilla left town and won't ever come back." Buffy said. 

"They will come back." A familiar voice stated. 

Everyone's eyes gazed in the direction of the door. They had all been so wrapped up in everything they were talking about that they didn't even hear the door open. 

"How did you get in? The stores closed. The door was locked." Anya said. 

"Just because I live halfway around the world doesn't mean I don't still own this place. My key does still fit in the lock." Giles said dropping the bag that he carried in his right hand. 

"Oh." Anya said. 

"Giles you're here. In America." Buffy said. 

"That I am. Back in the land where you can't get a good cup of tea." Giles said. 

"Why?" Buffy asked. 

"Well what a warm welcome everyone has given me." He said. 

"Sorry." Buffy said and walked up to him and hugged him. "We've just been kind of busy. The reserchy stuff tends to take a lot longer and leads to more fights since you left." 

"I hate to tell you this Buffy but, I come with bad news." Giles said. 

"I kinda figured you didn't fly all this way just to say hi. So shoot." Buffy said and then took a step back from Giles. 

"I've gotten some information regarding a slayer who was turned. It seems that she has come to Sunnydale." Giles said. 

"Yeah we know." Buffy said. 

"Then I trust that you know why she's here." Giles said. 

"She didn't really try to hide it. She told me she wanted me to help her kill the slayers in waiting." Buffy said. 

"In a sense yes. There's a prophecy somewhere." Giles said lifting his bag and bringing it to the table where he could look for the papers he needed. 

"Angel already told us about the prophecy. One slayer dies and is brought back. She lives in silence until another joins her. Then she ends the chosen one." Buffy said. 

"She doesn't just end the chosen one Buffy. She becomes pure vampire and opens a portal to the past where all pure demons are free to roam the earth. Just as it was before." Giles said finally finding the papers that he was looking for. 

Buffy glared at Angel. "What I didn't know." Angel defended himself. "Are you sure about this Giles? The transcripts I found say nothing about the portal." 

"I'm sure. I suppose you read the Balatheric texts." Giles said and Angel nodded. "Those are interpretations of prophecies. The actual texts were being held by the council. They've been keeping close watch on this Aurora girl since she was turned." 

"So they know that she's some sort of super vampire then." Willow said. 

"Yes that they do. And she has to be stopped. Have you seen her. Do you know where she is?" Giles questioned. 

"We've seen her. Spike had her and Drusilla tied up in his crypt, but then it caught fire and they haven't been around." Buffy said. 

"Drusilla's working with her?" Giles asked. 

"Yep. A crazy lunatic and an evil ex-slayer." Xander said. 

"Interesting. The prophecy states that a vampire beyond reason would be helping her out. It also said that she would die." Giles said. 

"So about this prophecy. How exactly is she going to become pure vampire and open the portal?" Spike asked. 

"As far as I know she will stop all of the slayers in waiting which will in tern throw the balance of the universe of kilter. Once that happens she will have to drain the other slayer who has come back from the dead. Once that slayer dies the portal to the past will be opened and she will be transformed into pure vampire." Giles explained. 

"So how do we stop her?" Buffy asked. 

"First we have to do some research. We have to find out who turned her." Giles said. 

"We kind of already know." Buffy said. 

"Really. That's splendid. It will make everything so much easier." Giles said. 

"It's me." Spike said. 

"Oh." Giles said. "Well now that we know that there's two ways to stop her." 

"And they are." Buffy said. 

"The first is to kill the vampire who made her." Giles said. 

"And the other." Buffy said. 

"You're not going to like it." Giles said. 

"I'm going to have to." Buffy said.   
__ __

Part 27 || Part 29 


	29. "Missed Showdown."

_"Missed Showdown."_

__

"Missed Showdown."   
Part twenty-nine of the "What Am I?" series.   
Rating: R. for the entire series.   
Spoilers: I don't have the time or the energy to go through and state exactly what spoilers are contained in my fics just assume that anything that has aired in the US is fair game.   
Disclaimers: Joss owns everything fun. I only borrow it for a while.   
Feedback: Let me know what you think. (ladyduvessa19@icqmail.com)   
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=653358   


"I understand." Giles said and then looked through his bag for another book. 

"So what's the other way? How do I kill Aurora without killing Spike?" Buffy asked. 

"I really don't think we need to worry about her. No ones even seen her." Spike said. 

Giles glared at him. He tended to do that a lot. "We have to stop her. She's not dead. It isn't possible. A little fire wouldn't have killed her. And if these prophecy's are correct there's only a matter of days before she surfaces again. There have been 17 slayers in waiting who have been killed in the past couple of months. That's a record of deaths associated with the council. Now I don't know how many other girls there are left to eliminate, but my guess would be that she is getting fairly close to ridding the world of replacements for Buffy." 

"Fine so just do it. If she's that dangerous to Buffy then kill me." Spike said. 

"We are not going to kill you. There's another way." Buffy said looking at him like he was the most important thing to her. 

"Yes well like I said before you're not going to like it." Giles said looking around the room at everyone. 

"And like I said before I'm going to have to." Buffy replied. 

"It turns out that there can only be one life dependant on another. The mystical forces required to keep two things connected in that way breakdown if there's too much interference." Giles explained. 

"So we just create some interference between Aurora and Spike and it will be a nice pile of dust for our favorite girl." Buffy said. 

"It's not that simple. You can't just create interference in these types of things. You have to bypass it. Right?" Willow said and everyone was kind of amazed by the fact that she actually knew this stuff. 

"You're absolutely correct. The ties created cannot be destroyed. However they can be redirected." Giles said. 

"Ok you guys really need to learn to speak the English because I'm sitting here thinking 'huh'" Xander said. 

"We need to make someone else's life dependant on Spike's. That way Aurora's connection to him will be gone and we'll be able to kill her." Giles said. 

"You were wrong I don't hate that plan." Buffy said. 

"What?" Giles questioned. 

"Use me. Take my life and make it dependant on his. It's simple." Buffy said and Spike couldn't believe that she would do something like that for him. 

"No it's not. When Willow brought you back your life became connected to hers. You can't just trade Willow for Spike. One of you will die in the process." Giles said. 

"Oh." Buffy said. 

"I'll do it." Dawn said. 

"You don't have to 'lil bit." Spike said. 

"But I want to. The world almost ended once because of me. The only thing that stopped it was Buffy giving up her life. I want to do this I want to help." Dawn said. 

"Thank you." Buffy said to her sister. "So how do we do this? How do we make it so that Dawn is the one and not Aurora? Is it some sort of spell or something?" she then asked Giles. 

"As much as I don't want to say this and disappoint you all I really don't think that you're the right person." Giles said to Dawn. 

"Why not? I'm not some little kid anymore. I want to do this. And Spike has always been there for me. Ever since I was created anyways. What difference does it make?" Dawn said. 

"It's very noble what you're trying to do for everyone, but we don't know enough about how you were created. There could be things about you that we will never understand and will never need to understand. But the fact remains is we don't know exactly how you came to be and we can't go meddling around with your life. We could accidentally erase you forever." Giles said. 

"I don't care. You guys take risks every day. Why can't I take just this one?" Dawn pleaded. 

"No. I won't have you doing this. I'd kill myself first." Spike protested. 

"Fine do you have someone else in mind?" Dawn asked. 

The room fell silent. No one was offering. He couldn't exactly blame them. They had their reasons for hating him, but he had thought they had gotten over that long ago. 

After a long time Buffy spoke. "There has to be someone out there who'd be willing to sell their soul. We can buy someone's life to…" 

"Oh come on Buffy. You can't just pay someone to save your boyfriend." Xander said. 

"Spike's your boyfriend?" Giles said. "I thought you just didn't want to kill him because of the chip." 

"We don't have time to talk about this now." Buffy said. "We have to come up with a way to save him." 

"Alright. Use me." Anya said. 

"No. No way are you going to be connected to him. He's a demon." Xander said. 

"Yeah and so was I. And you can't tell me what to do Xander. If I want to give my life to a pathetic evil soulless thing you can't stop me." Anya argued. 

"Thanks for that." Spike said. 

"No problem." Anya said smiling. 

"I'm afraid we've hit another road block. Anya used to be human. Then she was demon. And now she's human again. It's too unstable for the spell to work. There's just been too much transition." Giles said. 

"Well what can we do? Who can be used to block Aurora?" Buffy said. 

"Well that's the thing. You're already connected to Willow. And to connect her to Spike on top of that could cause complications. Angel is a vampire with a soul and Spikes sire by way of Drusilla so it's unmentionable what could happen if we tried to use him. Cordelia is sent visions by the powers that be and to even think about messing with her life force could cause us a great deal of trouble with them." Giles said. 

"So what that leaves you and me." Xander said. 

"I'm afraid not. I made a pact with the council when I took my oath. My life isn't up for bargaining." Giles said. 

Everyone in the room turned to Xander. "You expect me to tie my life to a thing that, do I need to remind you, has tried to kill us all a number of times in the past." 

"Xander he won't…" Buffy started. 

"How do you know? All that's stopping him now is the chip. And who knows how long that is going to last. It's just wires and plastic. And granted plastic isn't the most biodegradable, but eventually it will stop working. And then it's just a matter of time before he decides that we're just a snack. What's going to happen then?" Xander yelled. 

"Nothings going to happen then. He's not going to kill us." Buffy yelled right back. 

"Don't waste your breath, luv. Xander's never going to think of me any different. And you know what I wouldn't want him to." Spike said and then turned to face Xander. "I know I did some horrible things to you lot, but I've paid my dues. At least I help Buffy rather than just get in her way. She wouldn't have to fight as hard if you weren't constantly there putting your life in danger." 

"I put my life in danger to help Buffy. You might think you're some kind of savior to her, but hey, at least I can say that I never tried to kill her." Xander defended. 

"Alright that's enough. The two of you are never really going to get along. I know that. But you'd think for me you'd at least attempt to be civil." Buffy said and Xander and Spike looked away from her feeling guilty. "I need to talk to you Xander. Training room. Now." 

Buffy left the room and Xander soon followed. Spike didn't know what she was going to say to him, but it really didn't matter. He'd kill himself for her if he had to. So weather or not Xander would do this wasn't an issue. Buffy would be safe no matter what. 

"So she can really do that Giles? I mean bring back the pure demons of the past. Because that's quite the trip. I wasn't even a pure demon in my days. They had been extinct long before my time. I wouldn't even know what to do if I saw a pure vengeance demon. Do you think that they'd be a lot like what I was? Maybe they'd have more power. Maybe they wouldn't even have to wait for someone to wish something. Maybe they could just take out vengeance whenever they felt like it." Anya said a little too excitedly. 

"I do think that is the least of our problems. And as long as we stop this we won't have to worry about whether or not you fit in with pure vengeance demons." Giles answered. 

"I don't care about fitting in. I was just curious. Although having that kind of power would be amazing." Anya said. 

"I need a smoke." Spike said and went out the door in the back of the shop. 

He lit the cigarette and took a drag and then just looked at it in his hand. He knew that Buffy didn't much like the smell of them, but he had already given up so much for her. He wasn't about to give up smoking. He wasn't that completely whipped. No he was still his own man. Except for the fact that he was a man who would do anything for her. If she asked him to quit smoking he was sure that he would. 

He took another drag and then threw the thing to the ground. He hadn't noticed her standing there until she spoke. "Was it a bad cigarette?" Buffy said and he realized that he hadn't just thrown the thing he had whipped it. 

"I heard this rumor that they can cause cancer." He said. 

"And all of a sudden diseases rank up there on things that you worry about?" Buffy said. 

"I meant it you know." Spike said. 

"Meant what?" she asked. 

"If it comes down to it I'll kill myself. For you. I would have done it back when you sacrificed yourself if I thought it would have helped. I'll do anything for you Buffy. I love you." Spike said. 

"Don't talk like that. It's not the end of the world." Buffy said and then added "Well maybe it could be but I'm going to stop it. Xander changed his mind." 

"He what? How'd you get him to do that?" he asked. 

"I'll tell you later. Giles got a phone call. We know where Aurora is. I'm gonna go and see if I can do anything to stop her from killing anyone else." Buffy said. 

"I'm going with you. You can't fight her alone." Spike insisted. 

"You can't. You need to be here for the spell to work. You guys need to get this figured out so that when the time comes I can kill her." Buffy said. 

"But you'll need backup." Spike said. 

"Not if you get started right away. If I leave now hopefully by the time I reach her the spell will have worked and it'll go quick." Buffy said. 

"And if it doesn't." 

"I'll deal." She said and ushered him inside. 

"So lets get this show on the road before I change my mind." Xander said. 

"Right." Spike said. 

"Giles you have to work fast. I know I can't hold her off forever. But I know I can kill her." Buffy said. 

"We'll do our best." Giles replied. 

Buffy then turned to Spike. "Promise me you won't die." 

He looked in her eyes and knew that he had no choice. "Promise." 

She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "Wish me luck." She said and then went out the door. 

"Are you sure she can handle this?" Spike asked. 

"I sure hope so." Giles said. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"You sure this is necessary?" Spike said. They had made him take of his shirt and Willow was painting something on his back. 

"Yes." She answered. 

"How come Xander doesn't need paintings all over his back?" Spike asked. 

"Because you're the receiver now hold still." Willow commanded. 

"Are you sure you just didn't want to see me with my shirt off? Cause if you did it wouldn't be wrong." Spike said. 

"You're right Spike. I want you. I haven't had a man in… Well since the whole gay thing. But you, you make me straight again." Willow whispered in his ear. 

"Whoever said you were sweet and innocent was wrong. You're very bad." Spike said. 

"Thanks. I think." Willow said. "There all done." She stood up and put the paint brush back in the pain can. 

"If my back says kick me I just might have to kill you." Spike said. 

"I'd like to see you try." She said and walked across the room to Giles. "We're ready." 

"Splendid." Giles said and turned the pages in his book. 

"So do you need me to do anything?" Willow asked. 

"No I think I can handle this. All I have to do is read. Although it is a language I'm unfamiliar with, but I'll manage." Giles said and saw the look of disappointment in the witch's face. "You can get Spike and Xander to sit inside this circle back to back." 

"You heard him boys in the circle." Willow said. 

"I hope you know I don't like this. And I'm not doing this for you." Xander said as they took a seat. 

"Never thought you were mate." Spike said. 

"So what else do we need to do?" Xander asked. 

"Just sit there silently." Giles said and then began reading from his book. "Kiloge mighamte domus cinantreme. Questhtre docimiltue vui mecilnes." 

Giles rambled on and on and none of it made any sense. He waved a branch of smokey herbs over their heads and continued to read some more. Spike didn't know what he was supposed to expect, but all of a sudden he felt something leave him and it felt painful. Like his insides had been cut up and were being pulled out his nose. Then he felt something crash into his eyeballs. And it was like there was a new whole created in the back of his head. The pain was searing and finally he couldn't bare it anymore and gave way to unconsciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Spike woke up he wasn't sure what had happened. He was at Buffy's house. In her bed. He sat up looking around for a sign of someone, but all he saw was the lack of his reflection in the mirror. He sat up and his head hurt. "Bloody hell." He said rubbing his neck. 

"Hey you're awake." Dawns voice came from in the hall. She entered the room and he looked up at her. 

"Yeah I've got quite the headache. How long was I out." Spike asked. 

"Two days now. Giles said it was normal. Buffy's kind of been freaking. She hasn't left your side. Well except for now. She's attempting to cook. It's not pretty." Dawn said. 

"I'd think not." Spike said smiling at the thought of her sitting by his bedside. 

"You want me to get her?" Dawn asked. 

"That'd be nice. I'd go down there myself, but I think that if I stand I might get nauseous." Spike said. 

Dawn went out the door and yelled at the top of her lungs "BUFFY. SPIKE'S UP." 

"Thanks bit. I coulda done that." Spike said, but Dawn didn't pay him any mind she just went to her room. 

He decided to lie back down. His head hurt and he knew that Buffy would be coming so why bother getting up. And sure enough her footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. She entered the room and didn't say a word. He looked up at her and was worried. He was going to ask, but she didn't give him the chance. She was in the bed with him kissing him. He couldn't decide what he wanted more to kiss her or to find out if she was alright. He brought his hand to her face and kissed her softly and then pushed her away. "What happened?" He asked. Her arm was in a sling, there was a bandage on her arm that was clearly covering a nasty wound, and her face was purple and swollen on the right side. 

"This. This is nothing. You should see the competition." Buffy said. 

"That is not nothing. You're hurt." He said. 

"It'll heal." She insisted. 

"So Aurora did this." He said. 

"Yeah she did. She puts up a good fight. Well she did." Buffy said. 

"So I take it she's dead." He said. 

"Yep. We fought, she pissed me off, I won." She said. 

"Pissed you off." He said inquisitively. 

"She said bad things about you and then she kept calling me a demon. Then she was dust." Buffy said. 

"What was she saying about me?" Spike asked. 

"Do we have to talk about this? It's over she's gone." Buffy said. 

"You still mad about being a demon?" He asked. 

"I'm not a demon. I'm the slayer. It's important. The council could go about it better, but it's who I am and who the new slayers will be." Buffy said. 

"So you won't go crazy like Aurora?" Spike asked. 

"I don't plan on it. You want some pancakes?" She asked. 

"You make them?" he asked and she nodded. "I think I'll pass. You sure you're ok?" 

"I'm fine. Honestly." She said. 

"Why'd I have to go and miss the big fight? I wanted to watch you kick her ass." He said. 

"You're just going to have to live with the fact that I can take care of myself." She said. "Besides if you hadn't done the spell it could have ended with me dead and a world full of ancient demons." 

"I guess I'll just have to be grateful that you didn't die and accept the fact that I missed the big showdown." Spike said. 

"Good. I'll go get you some blood." She said. 

"Wait. There's one more thing I want to know." He said. 

"What's that?" 

"How did you get Xander to do what he did?" he asked. 

"He wanted to." She said and got off the bed. 

"We both know that isn't true. The wanker hates me." He said. 

"He does not hate you. And don't call my friends 'wankers'." She said. 

"Come on you had to have done something." He said. 

"Ok you got me. I promised him a lap dance." She said. 

"You what??" he said. 

"NO. I explained to him how I loved you and that if he was really a friend he would do this for me and he did. End of story." She said. 

"I still don't buy it, but I guess I'll accept it. Now more about that lap dance." He said smiling at her. 

She rolled her eyes. "I'll go get you some blood." 

She walked out the door and he yelled after her. "I'm going to want a demonstration." 

He closed his eyes. He was content. For the first time in his whole life he felt at peace. She was his. They were both alive. And he truly felt like they could some day be happy. Even if she was the slayer and he was a vampire. They would overcome what they are. They just would.   
  


**~THE END~**   



End file.
